Getting my life together (without you).

While Diego and Poncho sleep, I sit in my old kitchen and write this while staying hydrated with water. This used to be my blogging spot back in the day. With my new meds for my interstitial cystitis, I can’t make it through the night without getting a lot of water because the meds make me thirsty. Plus drinking much more than I’m used to made me dehydrated but luckily not sick… yet.

We talked a lot yesterday about how I was doing. He got his new job at my old mental health clinic job and he said his first day already was draining. I told him it would be that way but he had to see it for himself. Working in the grocery business ten years for him and five for myself, it’s hard to move on to a different career entirely. It is well worth while but definitely an adjustment.

I told him that I most likely have a managerial position with the pharmacy, that I was using my budgeting method and saving a lot of money with my tax refund. I’m not just sleeping around with anyone and I told him I was kind of dating but no catches yet. I told him that I am working on getting my grades up in school.

He was very proud of me and surprised when I said that I had been taking my meds regularly and I had my 1.5 year non gambling anniversary coming up. 3 weeks sober of weed and this was the second time I drank in about a month. I really think my testosterone helped with aiding in my energy recovery and injury recovery for my ankle because my doctor told me that’s what would happen. I feel good being drug and alcohol mainly free and sober it’s awesome for my mental health.

I think it kind of came to a surprise to Diego how well I am actually doing. I think it makes him happy for me because he obviously cares but sad because we couldn’t do it together.

It’s kind of bittersweet to be here. This always feels like home but like when you go to an old house of yours and drive by but you realize you no longer live there and all the live are the memories you had in that house. Granted, Diego still lives here and I can come over whenever to see Poncho, but you get my drift.

I ran a lot yesterday at the dog park with Poncho. We played monkey (or I guess in this case, dog) in the middle where Diego and I throw a ball back and forth and Poncho tried to get said ball. If we dropped the ball, Diego and I would chase poncho and he would get the zoomies until we got the ball back and do it all again. My ankle held up pretty good and I think I may be able to avoid surgery. Diego thought I could start running long distance (like 3-6 miles) again fairly soon. I agree with him. I’m not there yet but will be soon.

It’s good for me to reflect on this and I love Diego more than anyone will ever know but he’s no longer the love of my life and hasn’t been in a very long time. I feel good about this like it’s a new turning page.

Much love,

Dani

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