Is it ‘The End’ Yet?

Photo by cottonbro on

I am not gonna really go into details, but I am hoping this is the last and final time that Diego and I break up. I am sick of the back and forth and he is not willing to change and does not care whether or not I am there, so I left. I was happy for the most part, but with the stuff I wasn’t happy about with him, he wouldn’t change and made me feel as though it was a me thing and not a ‘we’ thing. In my humble opinion, I want a partner who believes in changing and evolving their own selves and not just try to change their partner(s).

However, I won’t go deep into the argument that went on because it really isn’t my place to share our stuff. This happened Tuesday. I had my first day of work on Wednesday and it was the longest 13 hours of my life. I arrived around 6:45am and left around 8pm that evening. One of the more… interesting parts of my day was when one of my mentally ill patients legitimately spit in my supervisor’s face and had to be sent to seclusion. Seclusion is this room for patients who are posing a harm to self or others will be sent. It is a plan room and you can’t do anything in there, kind of like a jail cell. There is a lot that goes into a situation before one is sent to a seclusion room, but violence or assault is definitely one of those things that triggers a seclusion stay.

I enjoyed the day and the people I worked with though. I know that there are a lot of shifts to be picked up, but for my mental health, I know I couldn’t do more than a couple of 12 hour days a week just because the job can be emotionally tolling. I think that’s why it’s good I am working another retail job in addition to this job because not that the other job will be easier, but I know from prior experience that retail is not exhausting and tolling in the same way as working with acute mental health clients.

I just wish there was change in the mental health system because I see first hand so many different flaws. Once I learn more on the job, I will be able to comment more on it. Being out of the mental health game for so long, the issues I first witnessed were out of sight, out of mind. However, knowing I want to make this field my career, I need to take note of these things I can (or maybe cannot) change.

Today was a good day. Woke up around 9am and decided to go on a walk around the local high school track with my mom. We walked a mile and called it good for the sake of my foot and our being out of shape. Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t my bad foot that was bothering me. It was my “good” foot that was and started getting numb after 2.5 laps. I pushed through since we were just walking and the numbness subsided once I stopped moving.

We then went grocery shopping and picked out some dinner which would be a smoked sausage skillet with already sliced and diced vegetables like mushrooms, onions, and asparagus. We also bought pre packaged stuffed mushrooms along with some lunch food and other staples.

I went to physical therapy around 3pm and she was delighted that the swelling in my feet went down, but she still wanted me to wear compression socks throughout the day. She gave me a few home exercises, but she said I should rest after physical therapy and that I am ahead of the game after having such an extensive surgery and having so many prior injuries and surgeries to the same foot.

After I got back, mom was my sous chef and we cooked up the skillet. It was pretty easy to make considering our vegetables were already sliced up and so all we did was cut up two smoked sausages and poured in some vegetables to pan seer for about 15 minutes and voila!

It was very good and very filling. After dinner, around 7:30, I dosed off for what felt like twenty minutes and it ended up being three hours. And now here we are. But I am getting sleepy again so it is time I go back to sleep.

Much love,


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