Withdrawals

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Now that I have reached day 3 after having my covid-19 vaccine and I am finally feeling more like myself, I am starting to notice withdrawal symptoms from getting off the Percocet I was on for my foot and leg surgery. I was on round the clock opiate usage for four weeks and although I am still in pain, I didn’t want to be on the drug anymore. Not to mention get on “the list’. By that, I mean get on a doctor’s network list for having narcotic dependency and never or very rarely be prescribed these pills ever again. I mean, what if I get into another accident? What if I need surgery? I want the option to be open so that if I need narcotics, God forbid, I can get them without being banned.

It didn’t dawn on me that I might be going through withdrawals until this evening when I took my bipolar medication. Something about the taste or the smell of the pills makes me gag normally. But today it was repulsive. After swallowing all eight little miracle workers, and gulped some more water, I rushed to the bathroom to then get sick. Those pills I took were gone and so I guess I am technically missing my dosage tonight, but I think I get a free pass, it wasn’t my fault.

And I feel almost embarrassed writing about having these urges for pain killers, but not only do I have addictive tendencies, have family who were/are addicts, so it’s genetic, not to mention I wasn’t taking much at all. But I feel like for the sake of transparency, I need to be honest about my struggles in all aspects of life. Not that I have to be so blunt, but I feel as though that’s one of my better attributes as a writer; to be transparent and not hide behind fear. This might help someone else who is struggling with this, meaning withdrawal symptoms.

I looked up withdrawal symptoms because the internet is totally reliable for quality resources and information, and I found out with the type of Percocet I had, it is common to start experiencing symptoms of withdrawal a couple days after it leaves your system entirely.

I have a headache, chills, sweats, vomiting, muscle aches and pains, and my foot hurts but that may very well be from my foot surgery and now not having anything to reduce pain.

Back in the day, I would just smoke weed which helped with withdrawals after the past two surgeries. So whatever symptoms I was faced with were greatly reduced or diminished with the ganja.

But now I am sober entirely (well for the next foreseeable future) so that is not an option. I have an anti nausea and sedative pill I could take, but the thought of more medicine down my throat sounds repulsive and gag worthy. But then at least I could sleep through the worst of it. This, opiate withdrawals, is worse than quitting alcohol and weed altogether.

But this too, shall pass. Pain is temporary. Agony is momentary. It’s about outlook and doing what’s best for yourself. I made the right call when I didn’t pick up another narcotic prescription, I would feel that much worse than I do now, which I cannot fathom.

I am making good strides in my life now. I am working toward becoming debt free, not including student loans. I am budgeting more. Being more money conscious. I am going to a great school in August to pursue my passions. I am not sleeping around, and no I’m not in a relationship, but Diego and I are reconnecting and that’s special to me. I am gamble, drug, alcohol, and now opiate free. My only vice now is vaping, but that will eventually come to a halt, because smoking is expensive and ain’t nobody got time for all the smoke breaks I need or want to take.

Speaking of Diego, he texted me today that he might not be able to go on our beach trip to Oregon due to work scheduling conflicts. He was recently promoted to a department manager of a new and upcoming department. The department is drive up and go, so the employees do your grocery shopping for you and bring them out to a certain designated parking spot. But as this new department head, he has a lot of stress and I guess a lot of people are asking for the three days off. I told him that if he could come for one night it would be fun and I would drive with him and have my parents take their car down there.

He never got back to me on that, so I’m not sure….

Anyways. Sobriety isn’t easy, but it is always worth it. I feel almost better after talking about it. Doesn’t help this nasty headache I have, but I guess that’s what Tylenol is for… if I can keep it down. Blegh. Nope. Can’t think about medication or I start to gag. I wonder why that is? It’s going to be a long few days, but I was proactive today despite my sick feeling I had all day today.

I scheduled two doctors’ appointments. I paid my car note and paid some bills. I talked to the other local grocery store I applied at, and they said I needed to talk to their bookkeeper who wouldn’t be in til Sunday, so I’ll call her then and inquire about an interview. I still have to do some loan paperwork for school with my dad. Also figure out what I need to ask my academic advisor. So I feel good about how today went. I also bonded with my mom a lot through a new reality tv show.

The show is not new, but 13 years ago it was new. It’s called the Real Housewives of New York City. They have all of the seasons on Hulu so I took the viewing pleasure of watching with my mom starting season 1. Gosh I forgot how tacky the fashion trends were in the 2000’s! Probably the worst clothing decade ever in my humble opinion. We were Keeping up with the Kardashians, but we are all caught up and the last and final season is not on Hulu so we moved on.

I dig trashy tv, it makes me feel better about my dull, party-less life! Comment some of your guilty pleasures, especially on a day off with nothing better to do!

That’s it for me, folks.

Much love,

Dani

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