How To Be Happy

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Yesterday I was told I need not one, but two more surgeries on my left ankle for an old injury that happened August 2nd, 2018. One surgery done with and two more to go with potential for four in total if something goes wrong with the next two.

When I tripped in a pothole that hot, summer day of 2018, I knew immediately that I had broken my ankle. But little did I know, and much to my supervisor’s surprise was that I not only had a microchip fracture, I had three osteochondral defects (medical jargon for 3 major tears to the cartilage of my foot). October 28th, 2019 I had surgery to repair the lesions and to repair the fracture.

My recovery was going great this April as I began walking regularly and became fairly active. As I was moving into my new house in late May, I stepped on my foot wrong and noticed immense pain on the inside of my foot. This was new. Normally my pain was on the exterior of my foot, where my scar was. But this was towards the Achilles tendon, on the interior of the foot where I was having shooting pain.

After another MRI and a couple of x-rays, they had determined that the medial osteochondral defect never healed properly and there was some bone bruising. I was ordered to keep off my foot for one month to see if it would heal on its own. I knew it wouldn’t so I took the non weight bearing thing seriously for about a week before I continued to move into my house and resumed normal activities.

Met with the doctor yesterday to proceed with surgery. I need two surgeries because the recovery roads are drastically different for the two procedures; one procedure is taking cartilage from my knee and putting it in my foot where the medial defect is to help support it, along with some hardware to further support the ankle. The other surgery envolves repairing an exterior legiment and helping restore balance.

We will first tackle the medial defect with knee and foot surgery.

That was yesterday.

Tonight I sit in an ER room with more GI tract issues. I’m mortified that they suggested I should have a rectal exam because of my trauma with being anally raped. I told the doctor about my trauma and he said it would be quick.

I braced and clenched with all my might and the doctor said it would hurt more if I did that. So I gripped the railing of the hospital bed as he shoved his fingers up my ass as deep as he could to try to get a sample. Luckily I had showered before so I was ultra clean for the procedure, but then he had to do it AGAIN. I braced myself as I tried not to cry and be strong. He told me what he was doing as he did it but it still didn’t make the feeling of me being raped go away.

Anyway… I had no interior or exterior hemorrhoids but I was still bleeding a lot and had severe abdominal and flank pain. So next they gave me toroidal and morphine. I see how people get addicted to that shit. It rocks. Then I had a CT scan.

Now they are saying everything is once again normal and I need to go to GI to get a colonoscopy. But I can’t see GI due to covid which is why I was at the ER which is why I am paying thousands of dollars to get treatment and what do I get? Blown off.

Every. Fucking. Time.

Now I ask you. How do you stay happy? Because right now I’m upset and so I’m trying to do a coping mechanism aka blogging to make me feel better, but it’s not working.

Let me know in the comments what you think and when your hobbies don’t seem to fill the void for you.


P.S. Today is Diego’s 27th birthday so I ruined it by having to go to the ER. So if yall could wish him a happy birthday that would be Gucci.

One Comment Add yours

  1. Shelly DS says:

    Sounds hectic! Good luck ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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