16 hours and 34 minutes

This is my current time elapsed since I quit smoking my vape. As silly as it sounds to most people, I am very proud of this number. It is currently almost 6am and I am awake due to nicotine craving. Not gonna lie, I have been chewing nicotine gum like nothing else to fight these cravings. Yesterday I started my smoking cessation journey around noon and I chewed 9 pieces of 4mg gum which if you think about it, I normally smoke 12mg of vape juice all day long so whatever I had in gum, is a significant decrease in nicotine which Is good. I am hoping today since today is a full day of quitting that I chew only the 9 pieces or one less than that to continue my decrease. I would like to stop using the smoking cessation products sooner rather than later because it’s more expense than vaping itself.

It was hard last night because Steven and I went to a couple of bars to check out the scene and Steven has been using my vape instead of smoking cigarettes, which is great but it tempted me to vape because I would just be chewing my gum and he would smoke in front of me. I can’t get him to quit smoking because he doesn’t want to quit which I get, because neither did I but now I have to for heart and lung health.

I sang Bennie and the Jets at karaoke and this one guy was singing along so I made him sing with me and I got an uproar of applause. After my song because I was first in the rotation, I asked if Steven wanted to leave because I sang first and I know karaoke isn’t his scene. He said yes to leaving and I go back to the bar where the dude was and if I am being completely honest with myself, he was pretty attractive and around my age. Steven was right behind me so he was somewhat out of sight and this guy goes, “Come on sit down and have a drink with me!” as I plopped my empty double shot glass of tequila on the bar counter (Don’t worry, Steven was driving not me; he was sober).

This floored me because a) I never get hit on at bars and Im getting married to Steven and b) I don’t think I am that cute or exude confidence. I may have been confident on stage because I involved the crowd but it wasn’t like I was trying to make out with the dude and had I put the mic up to Steven’s face, he would outright leave because he doesn’t do karaoke and it’s not his thing.

So I say to the guy, “That’s sweet but I am here with my fiancĂ©.” Steven goes to shake the guy’s hand and complimented Steven’s coat which I honestly didn’t like and then he backed off. Steven closed out his tab and I got a shot of tequila for the road since I wasn’t driving.

I apologized for my own behavior and Steven said to not be sorry; he was just mad at that guy’s behavior when we were blatantly sitting together and Steven kissed me after my song so the guy should have known I was with someone. I felt like I did something wrong because he still wanted to leave before the guy hit on me and after I had the dude sing so I am somewhat of an instigator.

Steven said I am just trying to get the crowd involved and karaoke isn’t his scene. There is a bar he likes that does karaoke but there is always the longest rotations and you have to pay tip to skip the line which is bullshit when you’re already paying to drink at the bar. And I am not talking $2, I am talking $10+ dollars to skip to maybe third in line. Maybe.

I wanted to keep singing because I get a lot of confidence from singing but I knew he wanted to leave, so we left. Last night when he got home I kind of quietly told him, I really don’t ask for much from you and karaoke once in a while is that one thing. He felt bad and I wasn’t trying to make him feel bad but I wanted him to understand where I was coming from. And for him to let some 23 year old sailor affect him the way it did is silly because I made a promise and commitment to Steven and I am not about to break that promise.

Okay, rant over.

much love,



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