Back to Class; Already Burnt Out

I have been doing school for almost a week at this point and I am already over it. I go in person to school on Wednesdays for my group counseling class and I understand the premise of it being in person because hello! Group counseling will be in person and I need to be able to simulate sessions that I would once I become a SUDP. But there was so much derailing and side bar conversations which took away from the lessons that the teacher is providing. I just want the class to be no nonsense and focus on the content of the class so that we can learn more and get in and then sooner rather than later, get out. That class is 2 hours 50 minutes long and the whole time there were distractions and since the class got derailed, I just paid my bills and did stuff on my MacBook Pro. It’s like if my classmates are gonna waste my time, I am not gonna stand for that so I am gonna to make good use of my time. I would have worked on the homework but that was never discussed so im gonna have to read the syllabus on my own and figure out what is expected of me.

My zoom meeting class is a hour after the in person class so I decided since Steven is home from work, I will grab us dinner each Wednesday after my first class, eat with him, and then get on my zoom class for another three hours. This class was no bullshit, no nonsense and it appears harder than it really is. The class is focused on case management so proper use of this one SUDP program is in order to be successful in the workforce. I have used a similar program when I worked for a mental health agency so the program they showed on zoom seemed somewhat familiar and easy enough to navigate.

While I was on zoom, Steven put some whiskey in my to go cup so it looked like I was drinking a coke rather than a whiskey and coke lol. It made the whole experience more bearable after my first class experience.

My foot injury has not gotten any better with three days of R and R. The x-ray showed swelling of my Achilles tendon so that I guess is called Achilles tendonitis. I have a feeling there are at the very least micro tears in the Achilles itself and the surrounding tendons, ligaments, and scar tissue is shot to hell which of course would require ANOTHER FOOT SURGERY what could be surgery #4 in 5 years. I am frustrated and in more pain now than I ever have been with my prior ankle injuries.

I have work today at 3pm – 11pm. It is almost noon right now as I write this and I gotta either clean or ice my foot and do some homework. I think I should clean because I have been neglecting my room and it is trashed. Plus, I will be gone all weekend. I will go to Steven’s house after work tonight and I won’t be back until Sunday, maybe Monday morning since I work 7pm-7am from Sunday night into Monday morning.

I got a couple new dresses in the mail from Kohls so I think we will have date night Saturday and I am unsure what we will do but it’ll be good no matter what. šŸ™‚ I need to get some assignments done this weekend but I am unsure when I will make time for them. It’s weird not working graveyard shifts anymore because I don’t have nearly as much time at work to do school like I used to since now I am on swing shift. The house I am at the majority of the time 3-11pm 4 days a week is quite needy and they like to do activities with me like play cards or legos or whatever which is nice to feel needed but when I need to use work time for school, it’s not appreciated as much but I did get what I asked for schedule wise which is good I guess.

I just want my foot to feel better so I can deep clean. I haven’t done that in about a month. I am trying to keep up with my writing and so far so good. This morning was good, definitely a get my shit together sorta morning. I slept from 12am – almost 8am with my cpap on so I feel well rested yet I still had a coffee and two Red Bulls. Took my morning meds. Showered and got dressed. Picked up groceries and saw my best friend and talked to him for a bit. Now I am back home, groceries are put away and this blog is basically writing itself. Next, I will do a load of laundry, collect trash and recycling, strip the bed and put on new, clean sheets. And if I have time after that I will do some school work and flip over laundry and pack my stuff to go to Steven’s tonight.

I think that is it. My bipolar hasn’t been too bad lately so I am thankful for that. Meds seem to be working at the moment and I am in an overall decent mood, day in and day out. I just have to keep on keeping on otherwise I will get overwhelmed with school and relationships and whatever else.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…

much love,

Dani

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