Work Anxiety

So Merry belated Christmas if you celebrate and if not, I hope ya’ll had a great Sunday. Because of the holiday, I am currently working a 15 hour shift and it’s been low key a cluster fuck. I am working with my female clients today and usually this shift is a non issue but man, I gotta vent.

I normally don’t give meds in this house because a) I work graveyard and meds are already given when I get here and b) I only work the weekends so they don’t… well I don’t want to say they don’t trust me because they do, but since I work two days a week they don’t want me to mess up the meds when the day shift can give meds because she’s at this house full time and c) in this house, you must be a registered nursing assistant to give meds unless you do this loophole thing which I will explain momentarily.

Since I don’t have my NAR cert, the head of household called and said she would be here to give meds at 6pm. I got here at 4pm and I work until 7am. When I did shift change, the gal told me the head of household was not coming in and I gotta make up some bullshit excuse as to why I’m giving meds and she’s not coming in. Now mind you, my clients have severe co dependency issues with the head of household so the whole afternoon was me hearing about how great she is and how they are excited to show her their new Christmas presents.

5:45pm comes around and I ask my less ornery client if I could prepare her meds and she said she wanted to wait for the head of house to come in because she didn’t want either of us to get in trouble. (if any errors occur, med errors are written up which can lead to my getting fired). I said let’s give it til a little after 6pm and if she doesn’t text or show up I would give meds. I text the gal and she doesn’t text back. My ornery client yells saying that I don’t have my NAR so I can’t give meds. Now mind you there are like 6 or 7 caregivers who work this house. Only two have their NAR certs. So the clients sign off their own meds books and I just verify the pill, time of day and dosing. and make sure they swallow the pils. That’s the loophole.

I tell my ornery client whom I kind of snapped at that if day shift staff can pop pills and doesn’t have their NAR, I can too. I laid down the law. I said you girls can either have me sign off meds or I can call the office and we can play that game. I am not going to give my clients meds that they refuse or that they don’t consent to me giving them and then taking. Homie don’t play that game. That also comes with a territory. They can get kicked out of the program for not taking meds and for my community protection clients; clients who have committed heinous crimes and are living scot free due to their developmental disabilities. They lose their funding, their home and would probably end up in prison without the luxuries they have today. I don’t think my clients have the mental capacity to really think and appreciate how lucky they are which is why they are protected.

So the first client was reluctant but when I made that point, she happily took her meds and thanked me.

When my second client was doing her crosswords I waited til she was done to ask for her consent to pop her pills. I told her I wasn’t going to do anything she wasn’t okay with but told her actions have consequences. She thought about it for a moment and conceded. I later apologized to her for snapping. As I popped the final client’s pills, I get a phone call from the head of household. She said it was fucked up that they were refusing their meds and she would discuss that with them in the morning.

My ornery client told me after she got off the phone that she was frustrated with the head of house because she kept saying she would be here and then wouldn’t and another staff keeps calling out and that bothered her too. I let her vent and I said I hear you, girl I hear you. All these clients truly have is us; the caregivers. Whatever we tell them is their glimpse of the outside world and they want more than what they have but that takes time and recidivism. They haven’t repeated crimes in the program but they have acting out behaviors that indicate the likelihood of acting out again if and when given the chance. So I can completely understand that they get their hopes up to see me and the other caregivers at certain times and dates because their family has virtually abandoned them. So my client’s frustration came as no surprise to me but I am stuck in limbo due to communication issues with other staff members. Like I was told to basically lie to them and say I don’t know where your head of household is even though I know she isn’t coming in.

But if I say the truth outright the clients escalate and yell or throw things , etc. because they expected something and aren’t getting it which that reaction stems from their developmental delays. Because when I suggested that the meds gal may not be coming in, my ornery client screeches “don’t say that she told us she was coming in tonight” and when trying to reason with her, she shuts down.

So now it is 1am and I still have full blown anxiety even after successfully giveng meds before 7pm. It shouldn’t have gone like this today. The three of us played a card game afterwards and had a good time but you could tell there is still some irritation and they both said they weren’t mad at me, but no tension is good in this house; makes everything harder.

I didn’t take a hydroxyzine because it would make me fall asleep and I am not about that. Well, all I want to do right now is sleep but I feel like that’s not a good idea. I just want this shift tot be over and to smoke some ganja to feel better. I don’t have work until 3pm on Tuesday so I’ll definitely clean and relax tomorrow.

Rant over. Thanks for reading.

Much love,



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