I kind of had this epiphany to write this and basically a too long; don’t read version of this blog post is that loving someone alone isn’t enough to make them love you, to make them want to stay, to not cheat on you. Loving someone else isn’t going to make that person that you love quit their addiction or make them care about you more than whatever that person is going through.
Maybe this is already been said a thousand times and I sound like a broken record but nobody on this planet cares more about you than you do for yourself. Even if your self worth and love for yourself is virtually zero, that number is greater than how most others feel about you. So to continue on that train of thought, if something doesn’t give you reason or purpose or make you happy, let it fucking go.
Just because you love someone and they treat you like trash, does NOT mean you should stay with them! People are selfish and I see it all day long talking to married folks; your relationship is toxic and just because it’s convenient doesn’t mean you should stay with your “person”. Just because it is hard to divorce, separate, move out, split possessions, get courts involved, split up kids, etc. Just because something is easier doesn’t make it the path worth traveling down.
I relate this back to the early days with Diego. We just couldn’t let each other go no matter how toxic things were getting. I loved him so much that I should have left him before I cheated on him. However, I was young and didn’t have the courage to leave what I believed to be a bad situation. (It was never physically abusive, but there were some dark times). Maybe I didn’t love him the way I thought I did because in the five years since that incident has happened, I think I love him more now than ever and no we don’t live together and no we don’t hook up at all. But I care for him and as hard as it is for me to see him move on, I know that it is for the better. He deserves so much better than how I treated him. I love him dearly and now I live in peace knowing I made the right decision.
That’s it. That’s the blog post.