Today… well I guess yesterday now was an emotionally and mentally and physically exhausting day. I got off work at 7am to then go get biscuits and gravy at my favorite cafe before my two doctor’s appointments. I first went to the eye doctor and my good eye (ya know… legally blind eye problems) has gotten a tad worse but not enough to change from 20/20 perfect vision to a slightly less perfect lens. My bad eye is the same, 20/80. So all in all, I ordered not one but two pairs of glasses on the cheap from eye buy direct .com but I have to send in the prescription and I forgot that at home and I am currently at work so that’s not happening.

My second appointment was with my primary care and first things first: she reordered my cpap machine. Which is good. My bipolar meds are staying the same but it was time for me to get refills on some of my meds so it was good that I went in. I need a pelvic ultrasound for my pain and she is testing out my kidneys and bladder, as well as my pelvic area. She thinks it is either my uterus or my ovaries that are causing pain and dysfunctional bleeding. So I got that scheduled on the 25th so I am very pleased with how thorough these tests are going to be so I remain hopeful that I can get diagnosed.

I got home and went to sleep because I had to work 7pm-7am today and I get a text from my dad and a phone call that was missed. I woke up three hours later around 3pm, and I hear his voice so I am like oh shit if he’s home something is wrong. His mom, my grandmother was taken to the hospital because she seemed unwell. It’s hard to say because so many things can go wrong in an elderly person especially in a severe memory care, dementia patient.

But I guess my extended family who lives down there in Oregon were like y’all need to come down before it’s too late. I guess she was diagnosed with a UTI and malnourished because she barely swallows food or any liquids. Working in elder care, UTIs are actually super common among geriatric patients but they exacerbate all other issues and symptoms. My uncle thinks she can get out of the hospital in a couple of days and then go on hospice care. However, I don’t think she will be going home until it’s time to go with the Lord.

It is now 3:50am on Friday October 14th and I am writing this. I am trying to get my shit together luckily no one is awake. I am living in severe pain and trying not to lose it. Am I sad about my grandmother? Probably but I am so apathetic and numb right now so I am unsure how to feel. I am debating not going because I have so many assignments due today at midnight but I am not sure I will get much done whether I go or not so I might as well go.

okay, I gotta go.

much love,


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