So I went to Oregon on Friday with my immediate family to see my grandmother who is in the hospital. She was asleep when I visited her but I talked to her a bit and held her hand and my dad was with me and said, “Hey mom, your favorite child and favorite granddaughter are here.” And I know if she didn’t have dementia so bad, she would have agreed with us.

I guess a harpist came in to play for my grandma as entertainment and my grandpa asked for something more “upbeat and uptempo” (whatever that’s supposed to mean for a harp player lol). But we ended up going to lunch with my grandpa and my family who were visiting that day. We went to this fancy restaurant and I guess it was a slow day and so the waitress said that she was happy that we were all here and my sister quickly retorted to her that she would be more happy when we left the building.

It was a good lunch though, I sat by my mom and grandfather and my grandpa walks in to this fancy ass restaurant asking for Barefoot MerLOT as he calls it and they didn’t know what that was but they could get you a good red wine called merlot and he was kind of butthurt about it. I had sparkling wine because they didn’t have my ghetto ass moscato that I wanted.

Grandpa and I discussed elderly group homes / adult foster homes and how it’s different in Washington than it is Oregon. I guess at the assisted living facility there was about 5 clients to one staff member where he was staying at and that goes for even the memory care patients whereas in Washington, we have a 3:1 ratio versus their 5:1 ratio. I thought we had it bad but no wonder they are so painfully understaffed and underpaid and no one wants to do the work because there is literally no incentive. All the caregiver gets is a negligence lawsuit and it’s not even the individual’s fault; it was the company’s fault.

My grandpa is a very religious person and he grew up in the church and sings in choir and has a very faith based personality. He is definitely an idea person but his follow through isn’t the greatest (hmm sounds like someone else we know? HAHAH aka me) But he asked his church to create a faith based adult foster care home on church property and they basically blew him off like it was too much of a liability. It seems to me that most church organizations, not all, are very self interested.

I think morally, what my grandpa has in mind is a great idea however is it fiscally responsible or not without cost? No. I see both sides of it. Most churches are run like businesses rather than churches back in biblical times where Jesus and church leaders help everyone no matter what. With that being said, liabilities outweigh the benefits because it’s a business and they are there to make money and an adult foster home would only pull away from limited or lucrative resources that they already have, which means less funds in church leaders’ pockets.

Anyways it was an interesting conversation and made me come back to terms why I believe in God but I don’t believe in religion or religious institutions because people are corrupt and fucked up and fuck up the things that God made good and pure.

I saw all the family I could see on such short notice and by 2pm, I was outta there. I drove by myself home and now I suppose my grandma is getting discharged on the 17th which is tomorrow (Monday) if all goes well. I am unsure if she is going back to memory care or hospice but I guess I will find out sooner rather than later.

I have been neglecting my responsibilities i.e. school because yesterday into today I worked 16 hours in a row, had six hours off to sleep, and now I am working 13 hours from tonight into tomorrow. I haven’t missed any work due to my grandmother or my own health issues for that matter. SO the overtime will be fantastic this check. However I am overwhelmed with school and failure is not an option so maybe I should stop writing for tonight and get some shit done.

I feel like a chicken with my head cut off; no matter how many lists I write, I still feel like I am forgetting something and don’t know what that something is. Maybe I will figure it out.

here’s to not flunking my classes.

much love,

Dani