Part of me always thought I processed information differently than everyone else because how I explained my reasoning behind answers in school or in conversation never went along with what everyone else thought or had to say.

I was discussing this phenomenon with a co worker, well he’s the supervisor at one of the homes I care give for and he also has bipolar 2 disorder. He made a comparison that at the time was so outlandish yet made so much sense and I wondered if this was a common trait with those with bipolar or just anyone with major mental illness.

For example, I always described taking meds for bipolar specifically was like a teeter totter. On one end you have depression and the other you have mania or hypo mania. You combat the tipping of the teeter totter by medicating with an anti depressant for the depression which makes the teeter totter out of sync so you gotta medicate the mania with an anti psychotic which levels out the teeter totter. But then you got to mention the fulcrum, or the base of the teeter totter which is like your stabilization. So by getting on a mood stabilizer, it not only centers the teeter totter but It acts as a balancer if mania or depression get too rowdy.

Now this analogy is a good one and fairly accurate. But in what world does this make sense to anybody who doesn’t hardly know what mental illness is? It doesn’t. I am trying to remember what my co worker said that was such an aha moment for me but I cannot remember for the life of me.

It makes me want to do an unofficial survey or study on bipolar/mentally ill brains versus neurotypical functioning and how they make connections and converse. I am naturally an introvert and I don’t tend to speak or be the center of attention unless I am comfortable or with a small group of people. Once I am comfortable, I don’t shut up though. But if I am speaking and someone interrupts me, I stay quiet and observant. I won’t continue on with what I had to say. I think that’s why I gravitate toward blogging and writing so much because I am the only person that can cut me off. I feel as though I don’t talk unless what I have to say has meaning. People, and I do mean people, have a lot of guts to talk to me. Not like, “I’m scary, stay away from me” sort of way, but in a “I’m going to tell you my whole life story because you’re an empath and I can tell” sort of way.

Some how my empathy and backwards way of explaining things makes it so people can relate to me and they enjoy my friendship. I often find myself saying at the end of one of my rants, “Does that make any sense?” and they all say yes (most of the time). But then there are times I am so disoriented from reality, usually when I am super manic or uber depressed, that my analogies and thought processes don’t make any sense because I can’t connect the numbers together to create the picture. See?! There is another analogy that makes sense to no one except the five of you who know what draw by number coloring pages are and for those who don’t know there is a list of numbers like 1-25 and you connect the dots and once all the lines are drawn, you have a picture!

I thought this would be more eloquent than it is but that’s okay. If you understand this post and can relate to my ramblings, feel free to give a like and a comment.

Until next time,

Dani