I had so much agitation this morning after work. I stayed late again (hour and a half late…again) so I leave around 8:30am. I was exhausted all night even after sleeping all of the previous day and that extra amount of sleep fucked me over. I go home and there is nothing to eat at the house. I had some toast and then I tell my mom we need to go grocery shopping and go to the pharmacy. So we get ready to go and she grabs me my third red bull of the day and that was the mistake.

We drive to the bank and go to our new favorite restaurant and that’s all fine. We go to the grocery store and it’s crowded so people are in my personal space which is already a pet peeve of mine and we go through all of the departments and then I saw a lady from my last job and she gave me the death glare and then some old co workers were making fun of my mom and I, especially after my mom had the nerve to go up to this one worker who my dad had the biggest crush on and say, “My husband has the biggest crush on you!” and she replies “I haven’t seen your husband in years.” and my mom was flabbergasted because she thought she was “incognito” and I go “Mom, they know who we all are, I worked here a long ass time.” And then she goes “Can I spray this hairspray to see what flavor it smells like?” “NO.” “Okay how about now?” “N-O.”

So by the time we check out my heart is racing, I feel like a pinball game bouncing off the sides and scoring so many points because of how all over the place I am. My mom told me to go out to the car so I could vape and calm down. Ended up taking one of my Xanax from my reserve stock because I needed to sleep and boy did I. I didn’t do anything drastic I just felt my feelings and went straight to bed once I got home.

Now I am getting ready for work and I feel better. A little groggy because that’s what Xanax will do. But I will feel like I can manage my shift and do some school and be productive.

That’s it for me for right now had to get that feeling of yuck off of my chest.

I love you all.

Dani