I got home today around 1pm and I was gone most of Friday and all of Saturday. The wedding was beautiful and I got to see almost all of my family however it was emotionally challenging for me. I coped by taking my meds and smoking a bunch of cannabis. Maybe not the best coping mechanism, but to keep the peace, you gotta do what you have to do.
I feel bad that I don’t see my family more than I do because you never know when the “last time” will be that I see everyone. My grandma who has dementia kissed my cheek and I said I love you grandma and she replies, “I think so, too.”
I think now that I am a caregiver, I am better equipped to deal with my grandma. Like, I wasn’t super emotional about it and I know how to interact in a way with her so I don’t get emotionally involved. I basically just treated her like a client and compartmentalized my feelings. Which sounds terrible and I know I will be sad when she passes, but quality of life > quantity of life.
I saw my grandmother figure, Hermine and she was happy I am returning to school. She told me I need an independent man who won’t boss me around to be my husband. And she didn’t see me as a traditional house wife and didn’t see me making babies at all. She is very intuitive about me and my love life, which I find amusing because she’s spot on.
I ate and drank a lot this trip so I really need to take a step back and start eating healthy again. But not till tomorrow.
Until next time,