My eye decided to get infected with a stye of some sort. I was supposed to work today, but the infection is in my good eye (now mind you, I only have one good eye as I am legally blind in the other). I can see out of my good eye but I am pretty sensitive to light so I have the light on my MacBook dimmed and just the Christmas lights on in my bedroom.

I was supposed to close tonight and my boss said to me as a closing manager, I needed to get my shift covered. Fair enough. The people I contacted couldn’t come in tonight. I texted my boss after our phone call that I couldn’t get ahold of one, and the other said she couldn’t come in. She then said it was “against policy to use text messaging as a means of communication.” So I, a little upset, didn’t respond to her text or her later on phone call.

I was frustrated because I get that I am a member of management, but if I have a serious ailment that is affecting my vision and I legitimately cannot see, why they would then say if you don’t get somebody to come in, you will have to come in. It’s the latter part of that statement that gets me going. I am not playing around with my eyes when I only have one good one. I have an appointment with the opthamologist (eye doctor, I think that’s how you spell that)… tomorrow at 2:30pm. I also have my kidney CT scan tomorrow at 9:30am.

I am supposed to work 12:45pm-10:15pm again tomorrow. But come hell or high water, I am going to that mid shift appointment. My bipolar has been pretty inconsistent and I feel emotionally labile still which I still need to set up an appointment with my doctor to discuss the delusions I have been having. This whole eye debacle really has my delusions going. Like, this is the plan to get me fired finally. And I know these aren’t true but it gets my anxiety going and my fight or flight mode is pounding inside of me. I am so conflicted because I don’t want to work there anymore but I can’t do the type of work that I want to do. I make decent money at my job so I don’t really want to get fired but at the same time I am not happy.

It’s not like my blogging career has taken off enough for me to rely on that income, although I did just buy a cricut machine and I showed some of my art work on my iPad to my mom and she said I should make cards or something like that and she’s right. That is kind of what I have been leaning toward is making paper products on Etsy and having a little YouTube channel and doing budgeting and paper crafts and drawing and all relating it back to mental health. I have been thinking about and pondering this topic since probably October of last year.

But I think if I do lose my job, now is the best time more than ever to get that all off the ground and I am excited about that. I was getting overwhelmed with my work schedule and didn’t know how I could keep up with all my at home projects but if I got to create and make things all day, I’d be my own boss until I can find something I like to do for work in the “real world”.

Of course, nothing has been started or set in stone yet so I may be putting the cart before the horse. I am also two weeks and one day gamble free which is good. I don’t have the desire to gamble but that may be because I don’t feel the greatest. But I did get paid today for selling my old iPhone so the fact that I didn’t gamble that away is good.

That’s all I got for today. Much love to you all.

Comment below something if you feel like it; I always love reading those!

Dani