Today is Better (and God is Good)

Photo by Simon Berger on Pexels.com

I woke up around 11am this Monday morning and I feel pretty good. Pain is minimal. Outlook is pretty good, all without having to go to ER. Today is my Sunday and I work tomorrow and it will be a long week ahead. I got to see Poncho, my dog that I share with Diego on Saturday evening and I took this selfie seen below of Poncho and I. He had his ball partially in his mouth and it took a couple tries to get this photo, but I am so glad we did. He makes me so happy even though he can be a pain in the booty.

I thought about working out today but I don’t want to flare up today so I am going to continue to clean my room and finish my laundry. There are so many other things I need to do this afternoon. But rest is at the top of the list because I don’t want to go backwards in recovery.

Speaking of recovery. I am 15 days clean of gambling which seems crazy that I was so far in my journey and threw it all away. However I will not dwell on the past and I gotta focus on the here and now. Today is a good day because I haven’t even considered gambling. Although it sounds nice, but after missing over twenty hours of work last week, I am gonna be strapped for cash this upcoming pay period. So I have to be smart. But then again I have a magic month this June which means I get three paychecks instead of two which will help get me back ahead on my debt payoff journey and my savings journey.

I am so thankful for God today that I don’t feel nearly as crappy as I have been lately. God isn’t good in just the good times, but in the bad times as well. It’s easy to forget that our suffering is worthwhile because it should draw us closer to Him rather than draw us away from Him. Not that all suffering comes from Him, but I do believe that God puts every hardship in our lives for a reason so that we can overcome and become closer to whatever your Higher Power may be.

Mental health hasn’t really been on my radar lately because I haven’t been too symptomatic. My impulsivity is still there but trying to reign in that self control and distract myself with other things has been helpful when I want to quit my job and buy a bunch of random shit. I started a new painting on Thursday and I still need to finish it now that the core layer has dried. I feel overwhelmed with everything that is going on and it’s not giving me anxiety, just like this normal overwhelmed feeling. It’s how I would imagine most non mentally ill people feel when they have a lot on their plates. I don’t even have suicidal ideation, it’s crazy.

I should probably get to getting some things done around the house and what not. But my laziness is kicking in. If only I had the time to kick around all day and not do chores…. what a day that would be.

Well instead of complaining, I’ll end this blog post here.

much love,

Dani

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