Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on

I finally had my cystoscopy today. It honestly wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be, but it still wasn’t a fabulous day at the spa if you know what I mean.

Let me back up.

I had a job interview at 11am for a position at my old company where I would have 25 clients and get housing for said clients. It sounded like a job that would make me happy and would be very fulfilling. I think I did okay during the interview. I just showed eagerness and knowledge.

I took Diego out to breakfast after my interview and proceeded to get syrup all over my top and slacks. I dropped Diego off at his house after we got Dutch Bros (because, of course we got Dutch Bros). I went to Walmart afterwards because I didn’t’t have enough time to go home and come back to my appointment so I just looked around at everything at the store.

I got a bunch of toiletries for my bathroom, tape because I didn’t remember if I had any, some hard candy because I’m 24 going on 84. I also got a little white wooden basket to keep on my bed with the tv and light remotes together. I only needed this because I don’t have a bedside table near my bed so I needed a place I can set all my stuff together. I painted the outside of the container writing “The Lair” on all four sides because I live in what I call The Lair.

But before I painted the wooden container, I went to my appointment. They tested my urine for infection and since my urine looked good despite my bladder flare up as of the past two days, they put the catheter in and looked at my bladder with a scope. My bladder is healthy but they also did hydrodistension which means they fill my bladder with water as full as I can stand it and then that is supposed to expand my bladder capacity. I peed right after the procedure and I am surprised I didn’t pee everywhere.

I walked out in pain and the doctor asked if it was painful to pee and I said no it was my flank pain and abdominal pain. He asked how long I have had this pain and I said nonchalantly, “six years”. He ordered a kidney CT scan and I am getting bladder botox next month. He said I could get old school Parsons treatments where they put medicine in my bladder, but they are only effective for a couple weeks and then you got to get them again.

I am excited that my new urologist took in my concerns and listened to me. I am happy that my bladder is overall healthy even with my interstitial cystitis. So I get bladder botox next month and hopefully get my kidney results before then.

I woke up around 11:30pm because the weed wore off. And now I am hurting. But there are things I need to do like laundry and cleaning my room. But then again I work at 9:30am and I have to go to work no matter what. If I smoke weed now, I will be exhausted in the morning and not be functional but I know I won’t be able to sleep soundly without a hit of it. Chronic pain struggles are real.

I am gonna go try to be productive. Let’s see how far I get.

as always, much love!


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