I used to be so in tune with my feelings and emotions and now I feel like a brick wall. These past couple of days have been pretty transformative and informational. I met up with a friend on Sunday and he talked about my “good” qualities which revolve around me being in tune with my feelings and always striving to be better.

I thought that was intriguing because I used to be that way, truly and honestly. I don’t know where my head is at anymore. I feel headless half the time, just walking around everywhere going through life bumping into things because I cannot see and I cannot hear. I am numb to the mind and heart and just surviving, not living. Now I can’t rationalize anything and I’m not sure why.

Maybe I need a spiritual awakening. Maybe I need to pray more, read more scripture, worship more.

Maybe I need to start pulling my head out of my ass and smell the flowers sometime. I am on day 2 of 4 working; I am working four 10’s this week. I have an appointment on Friday for a cystoscopy done in office for my bladder disease. Not gonna lie, I’m pretty scared. I have had one before and they are so painful. But it will check for bladder cysts, cancer, things like that so it is muy importante. I feel like I need another job and I don’t have time for chore around the house as it is. Or maybe I need to be better with my money which is more than likely the case.

I am on day 2 of not gambling and it’s even harder than last time. Quitting gambling was and is the hardest thing I will ever do. I need to preoccupy my mind with other things. Like cleaning and going to the gym. I work at 10 and it’s almost 7am now. I might hit up the gym before work to get all of my agitated energy out.

Yeah that’s what I’ll do. I’m a big ball of agitation and anxiety so I might as well go jog this out.

much love,

Dani