I can finally breathe now that I am laying in bed with YouTube on and writing this blog post. I got yelled at during work yesterday for the way I closed the store the previous night… apparently the door I thought got locked during the day did not /was not locked so it was cracked open a bit all night long. I set the alarm so it would have gone off had someone broke in, but luckily that didn’t happen. I also messed up the safe somehow and I asked her how I messed it up and she said I didn’t have the money in the right place and I argued back if all the money that was supposed to be there was there, then what was the problem. She did not like my answer. She re explained how to do the process and that went right over my head because I am a visual / hands on learner. It wasn’t like she was that mad but teaching me how to do better next time. Normally this sort of reprimand would make me either start crying or make me visibly upset and it did neither of those things.

I got a lot to do this weekend. I got to get some of my medicine from the compound pharmacy that I have been out of for the past week and couldn’t get refilled until today. The medicine I take has been helping with my energy levels and whatnot so I would like to keep taking it despite how expensive it is. I gotta call insurance about a few medical bills before they send me to collections… I keep getting them appealed by my insurance but more and more come in and I haven’t been to the hospital this year at all. So I’m not sure why this shit is happening. I was supposed to have nose surgery to correct my sleep apnea in May, but I really cannot afford to take the time off work even though I am literally dying in my sleep every night. However, I did sign up for insurance through my work so hopefully that kicks in soon. So maybe I can get my other surgeries and procedures covered underneath my own insurance.

What else…. I got to return my biology textbook that I rented through Amazon for the semester which I ended up dropping in March. It’s hard to believe that I did school for so long and now I am doing nothing. Well, not completely nothing I am working full time. However, I feel like I am not bettering my future or my financial situation. I think my goal now is to transfer to the local community college and take one class per quarter to finish my associates degree. I know I have more than a year’s worth of credits between community college and university to graduate so I want to finish what I started. It may take me a total of eight years to do a two year degree but who cares as long as I follow through? So I gotta talk to financial aid at the community college to see about going to get my grants transferred over so I can have free school at the college.

I also gotta email my old job about my position and working something where I don’t have to do the training required of me for my job. There are other units besides adult inpatient unit that don’t require a physical exam and I am willing to work two jobs for a little while before I go to school in the fall, if I can return to school at all. Gotta make an appointment with my med prescriber because I have been all over the place lately and it’s been bad. I don’t even know what I need to up whether it be the lithium or the abilify or the prozac. All I know is that I am slowly but surely driving myself mad and probably the people around me.

I don’t think this is going to be a fun weekend, but at least I have some time off work to finish some laundry and get some things done around the house. I really want to make mashed potatoes and gravy with a rib roast or something hearty like that. It may happen but we shall see. That also sounds like a lot of work. Last night I ordered my mom and I a chicken wings from Dominos and they were pretty good. I was going to make chicken parmigiana with a salad on the side but when mom said she wanted something from the pizza joint, I couldn’t say no.

I woke up at 4:40am this morning and it is now 5:24am. I feel like I am low key getting my life together when I blog first thing because essentially it is like a giant brain dump for me. Get everything off my mind and onto the screen. With that being said, I think I dumped out everything on my mind for today. I think I am gonna get started on my to do list.

Thanks for reading and much love to you all,

Dani