A lot on my mind.

Photo by Mathias P.R. Reding on Pexels.com

I woke up from a deep sleep not too long ago. It is now 3:04am Thursday the 24th. I don’t work later today as I have another pelvic floor physical therapy appointment. If I haven’t mentioned it already, I completed my ankle PT last week and was told if I did the exercises that my foot would be completely better which I find hard to believe. I went to the orthopedic surgeon on Tuesday afternoon after work and she said I need another MRI on my ankle to see if I need a tendon transplant or if I have another osteochondral defect. I asked at what point does my ankle become a permanent disability and we don’t deal with the ankle anymore and she said that only happens when I lose my ankle altogether and so that won’t happen. I asked if we keep surgically intervening or if there are other options. I could brace my foot but being in a boot or using the two braces I have custom made don’t relieve the pain. But if there is an obvious issue and my posttibial tendon is ruined and shredded, they would take a healthy tendon from my foot and take out the worn out tendon and then do a little ankle restructuring which is about as tedious as it gets. Similar to that of when I had a tendon in my knee taken out and replaced something in my ankle, And that was a very long tedious process that my knee hasn’t recovered from in two plus years.

I told my parents since I am under their insurance about it. It was originally a workplace injury and the government insured it and paid for everything but after the second surgery, they said it was my own fault for reinjuring my ankle and now it is all on my dime. My dad said he refuses to pay for a MRI or surgery and that I am going to have to deal with the pain. The pain isn’t debilitating, but it prohibits me from a lot of what I want to do. But who says another surgery will help that? I don’t know I am kind of conflicted about it all. I gotta wait until my insurance hits at the pharmacy to make a lot of medical decisions for myself if I have to pay for it truly on my dime. Because I was also supposed to get my sleep apnea implant done but my dad also refused to pay for that. I don’t really know why if I pay him for it or pay the bill directly myself, but I digress.

I also made an appointment with my academic advisor at school. I am weighing my options of going back to school in the fall on a part time basis, taking two classes maximum. I am unsure if my grants I got for tuition and books require me to be full time or not so I will find out more information. Because if I can at least get my associates degree I will be happy. I have taken so many courses without any real direction, but I imagine in a semester or two I could get my two year degree that took six fucking years to get. Who knows, I am not holding my breath but I want to finish something for once.

Work has been good. I worked three hours on Tuesday and I worked seven hours on Wednesday. I am only working like 25 hours this week and then I move up to full time the following weeks. I found out my hourly rate on Tuesday and my manager hooked me up. I looked at the average of a shift supervisor with that company and I make $3 more a hour than what the average wage is so I am very pleased. I have just been doing online computer training and it is like any retail job ever so it’s all good. Easy money at least.

I feel like I have more on my mind, but I am blanking. I will try to go back to bed. goodnight


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