Last night I ended up driving to Diego’s house. He worked 3pm-11:30pm so around 11pm I got to his house and let myself in with his hide a key. I played with Poncho and fed him and he was so happy to see me! Diego got home around midnight so we ate some cereal and talked a bit but then went right to bed. He had to leave the house at 6:30am to cover another shift so he had a rough turn around.
It is now 7:03am and I am writing at the kitchen table because Poncho kept bringing me toys in bed and setting them on my keyboard. Not like plush toys either, like the toys that could break a laptop. I am drinking my morning Red Bull and I have to leave here at 8:30am to be to work on time. It feels good to be so well rested. I think the worst is over with my bladder disease flare up. It’s better this morning, hopefully I don’t jinx it.
I know there is no future with Diego but it is nice to sleep next to someone you feel safe with. I feel almost revitalized… it sounds silly, I know. And I can’t forget about Poncho aka little lovey being a bed hog. It just feels like the puzzle pieces fit on nights like last night… except when the morning comes, so do the problems.
I think we are addicted to each other because no matter how much we despise one another, we can’t get away. We don’t truly need each other but then again we do. It’s weird and psychologically I cannot explain it. I see a future with him in it, but that’s not what I want. He can be truly awful to me and I don’t deserve it. So I remain conflicted.
I would say I am pretty good at interpreting my feelings and emotions at least on my blog where I write just about everything. However, the situation between Diego and I kind of plagues me because I haven’t been able to find the “right” answer….
Here’s to a good day for you and for me.