I made a decision…

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I have been truly struggling with this past semester ever since I moved out of Diego’s house and moved back home. I went MIA for two weeks and I have never been able to recover from it. I decided with my mom and after talking to Diego to withdraw from my semester at university.

This was not an easy decision considering I want to be a designated crisis responder so much. I don’t think that my motivation for follow through was there, not that I didn’t want to complete my courses because I did. It wasn’t realistically feasible for me to continue on through another two months of school, I had an average grade of a “D” in each course. That wasn’t going to allow me scholarships for next semester and it certainly wasn’t going to allow my funding to come through.

My total student loan debt will become due now when my withdrawal processes through my school. I was asked if I would be returning to the college and I wrote no. I am disappointed and upset but there is no point in beating around the bush. I need to focus on my new supervisor position and work on overtime and that I can repay my dad for the money he spent on school.

The debt alone overwhelms me. I personally owe $3,449.00 in student loan debt that will soon become due. Then I will owe another three grand to repay my dad for this semester alone. Just add it to the list of ways Dani fucked up but I really shouldn’t be so hard on myself. Life was being life and throwing lemons my way. It’s my fault and I own up to getting behind but I got to do the right thing and not waste any more time on endeavors that no longer serve me or my family.

I just keep thinking that it’s better I decide school isn’t for me now than in two years when I am nearly done with it. Maybe things would be different had I been part time student rather than full time. I didn’t have the luxury of being able to go to school without working and that took a toll on me physically and emotionally. I feel upset but at ease all at the same time. I have a gut feeling that I did the right thing. However, breaking the news to my dad will hurt him after all he has been through to put me in school on and off for six whole years. It’s not completely wasted I have learned a lot about myself but I guess my mom talked to my dad and said that they think if I can get on a management track at the pharmacy or even in mental health care I could buy a house before I am thirty.

I feel a lot of sadness about what could have been and maybe about what should be, but it’s too late for that now. I submitted my paperwork and here soon I will no longer be a student at WSU global campus. Wow. I put so much of my identity into where I went to school and so much pride and now that is gone.

Hopefully the best is yet to come.

much love,

Dani

2 Comments Add yours

  1. I’ve been catching up on your blog as blogging hasn’t happened for me I am curious if there are jobs in your area for peer support type jobs I know where I work there are folks like me with a degree and there are peer support without who do the talking on real life matters versus having the paperwork along with it I don’t know just an idea 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes and no. There are peer support positions that only require a HS diploma, but they are hard to come by and usually get taken by folks with 2 or 4 year degrees. There is like one large mental health organization in my area that provides work like that and that is the same company I technically still work for as a behavior technician. Since that isn’t an option for me due to my old ankle injury, I don’t know what is truly available to me without commuting 2+ hours a day. Thanks for the idea, though! Thinking of you. Much love, Dani

      Liked by 1 person

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