Racking my brain

I thought I might be getting hypomanic, but now I have confirmed it. Even taking my medication, I can’t sleep. I have been hyper focused on Facebook videos, the page that is similar to TikTok. I now can’t figure out what I want to do with myself because sleep is no where near in sight.

If I was to be a good girl, I would use this time to study but my brain is too flighty in order to study on something long term such as history. I mean, I might fail my class if I don’t pick up some assignments here soon. However, that is the last thing on my mind right now.

It is taking every fiber of my being to not jump in my car and go do something. I know I am where I need to be but the 24 hour gym does sound appealing to get rid of some raw energy. I know upstairs they have some punching bags and speed bags I would love to take my kickboxing gloves and kick some ass. But me behind a wheel manic might lead to a crying episode or an angry episode and I end up doing some reckless (yet again). I can’t help to feel trapped inside my room. I know I have nearly the whole house to roam, but I don’t need to alert my family. I think my mom knows I am getting more manic by the day by the way I keep cleaning and doing all of this stuff around the house.

I just want to be still but I can’t I physically cannot. My body has been in deep depression and mourning for so long that I feel as though I need to make up for six months of lost time.

It’s an interesting concept, bipolar is, and what it does to your whole self….

on that note, I bid you farewell!

much love,

Dani

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