“I am feeble and sore broken; I have roared by reason of the disquietness of my heart.”Psalms 38:8, KJV
I figured I would start out the birthday post by using the same quote that I used in the intro of my first blog post two years ago today. It still rings true now. It is a psalm (obviously) confessing the wrongs and sins that David committed. How does this relate back to mental health? Well regardless of your religious beliefs, we all need forgiveness and to give forgiveness when it is due. We all have pain and sufferings that we experience, some more than others. With that being said, this verse reminds me that we need forgiveness for our wrong doings, whether it be from our Higher Power, or from others. Sometimes we will never get to receive amends because the other person is emotionally immature or unavailable so we have to learn to forgive ourselves for the wrongs of others.
Now quick disclaimer: It is HARD to forgive someone for acts of assault, rape, murder, and even simpler things. In my humble opinion, do you have to forgive someone of unthinkable acts? NO! However…. does it make it easier to burry the hatchet with someone or something if you can forgive and/or move on? Absolutely. It took me nearly two years of having this blog to finally come to terms with me being raped and sexually assaulted (two different incidents). It has now been nearly four years since the respective incidents and I have written many blog posts as letters to my abusers because that is what I needed to grow and move on. I will never get the opportunity to say my piece to the individuals who assaulted me, raped me, and most recently, tried to shoot at me. But by writing about it, I found this to be a successful coping mechanism to live with these triggers and adversities.
On this blog’s birthday I will share some stats to show you where we’re at:
# of Posts: this will be the 454th in two years.
Followers: 295, and 2 email subs for a grand total of 297.
Best views in one day: 173 on January 20, 2022
Total words: 422,759
I have shared my life, my loves, my strengths, weaknesses, hardships, and adversities with all of you to the best of my ability. I have been the most vulnerable with my blog than I have ever been in any therapy session. Sometimes it’s just easier to pour your heart out to a caring group of folks such as yourself than to anyone in a closed off room with a degree. There is no hate toward therapy whatsoever, heck, I am going to school to be a licensed social worker! However, therapy isn’t affordable or accessible to most and I have found that coping mechanisms don’t replace therapy, but they sure do help.
I hope whoever reads this can find their peace today whether it be by making amends, talking to a friend, writing, painting, or even getting out of bed today. It’s not easy and it’s easy to allow the depression, anxiety, bipolar, borderline, and schizophrenia overwhelm you. Somedays you can’t do something and that is okay! But if you can do one thing, that day is a success. If you tried your best, you did all you could. I love you all dearly and if you haven’t already email me, comment below, like this post so I know that you made it this far. Reach out to me for a pow wow and we can talk all things mental health or anything really! I love talking and hearing from you all. You make my life feel more fulfilled.
SO thank you.