Paranoid

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Birthday weekend has gotten off to an odd start… odd isn’t even the right word, who knows what is.

I went out to drinks with my best friend yesterday around 3pm which was fucking fantastic. We had a great time, but after I still wanted to do something so I go and see an old friend of mine down the road. He was always notorious for having alcoholism. He had texted me in the morning asking how I was doing. He had been broken up with his long term girlfriend for a few months.

So I show up at his house. Without him knowing. I guess he was asleep so I called him when he didn’t answer the door. He invited me inside. Pours us both a drink and he spills his heart about his ex. She was a heroin user, but he had his own demons so he never addressed it. He cried to me a lot about how he felt like he wasted so much time and now there is nothing to live for once his parents pass away.

Now mind you, this guy owns a huge house on some property, works as a journeyman pipe fitter, makes great money. He is smart and very kind and good to me, always has been.

He definitely has his demons which appear so much worse than whatever I go through. He progressively got more and more cross faded which I initially didn’t mind but after a while he told me he might have a seizure from the alcohol. He took gabapentin and it specifically says not to drink with it and he does…heavily.

Not to long afterwards he does seize, twice. I made sure he was on his side and he was unresponsive. Maybe two minutes later he comes to and when I help him up off the floor, he snaps and screams who the fuck are you and this guy has a gun permit; I knew he had guns everywhere. For christ’s sake there were two bullet holes in his screen door. His gun was unloaded on his kitchen counter, and he walks over to it. I already had my purse on me, I shove my sandals on my feet and I scream back it’s me it’s me go lay down and I bolted out the door before he could get ahold of a weapon. I wasn’t gonna stick around and find out if he was okay because that is not how I want to die.

He texts me when I am halfway home saying sorry if I got scared by him. I asked if he did or did not try to pull a gun on me after his seizures and he said he didn’t have any seizures. I told him he collapsed and had them despite his differing opinion. He then talked about other things and said he wished I never left. And now he’s wishing me happy birthday?

I got home safe thank God. I vented to my best friend and I smoked a big bowl of weed to calm down. I was so paranoid and the weed allowed me to sleep. I am freaked out writing this even right now. I am now wide awake at 5am and scared.

I know I’m safe but just another reason why I can’t trust people. It’s crazy what mental health issues and addiction can do to people. I am not even made I just feel terrible for him. The sad thing is that incident was a nightly occurrence, not just a one off.

Scary shit right there….

Much love and stay safe,

Dani

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