The Breakdown

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I think it’s easy for me to say I want to do great things this year, while I am motivated. It’s the second of a new year, in a month I’ll be 24 years old, and honestly I need a better year. My last “good” year was in 2017 when my bipolar wasn’t great, but my relationships were at its peak and I was saving a lot of money and about to work a government job. It seems like every year since then I have spiraled down into addiction, shitty actions, and shittier behavior.

But I’m in my mid 20s now. That isn’t to say I need it all figured out but anywhere up is better than the centimeter above rock bottom, which is where I currently reside.

Diego went to work this morning and took Poncho out before he left. I gave Diego my Carhartt hat to wear for the day because he couldn’t find his. I decided once he left after watching videos on Facebook for a hour that while Poncho is sleeping (he looks like a cinnamon roll lol) I better determine how I want my year to pan out. I think most peoples’ resolutions don’t work because they aren’t either hungry enough for what they are trying to achieve or they give up because it’s too hard.

I have done both of those things, but I feel that this time is truly different. But don’t come crying to me when I sing a different tune about diet and exercise around my birthday in February. I am gonna list my goals thus far for the year and I know it’s ambitious and I won’t be able to achieve everything here but the goal is to try or to die trying so here’s to trying and not dying!

  • Stay sober from gambling. I have been doing good in this department, one year three months down, forever to go. But this is where I need to be because if I ever step foot in a casino again, it’s game over for me.
  • Keep reducing the amounts of alcohol and weed I consume. I try to limit alcohol once every two weeks, and I haven’t even been drinking that and if I do, it’s no more than two drinks and I certainly am at home. Weed is twice a week. Because I gotta get stuff done and in ten days, it’s back to school for me so I can’t get too crazy.
  • create a schedule for my blog. I think I tried to create a posting schedule long ago but obviously that didn’t work out. So I need to restart my bullet journal full of ideas and plans for what’s next in store and to keep up on the bipolar and mental health issues.
  • Budget. I think this goes without saying but I need to stick to a strict budget and use my cash envelopes and sinking fund systems in order to pay back debt and to start saving for the future.
  • Walk the dog every other day. Hoping to extend this to every day but depending on the weather it might not be too easy. Either that or walk him to our little neighborhood dog park so he can run around. Poncho needs to get out more because he has so much energy and he shouldn’t be inside all of the time. We don’t have a backyard to let him run wild because he can hop the fence and he escaped when on the lead and somehow got out of his harness. So until we get a new fence, I need to get him some exercise.
  • Eating better. Mostly this includes eating and making meals at home. Not buying candy and excess amounts of fats and sugars. So with exercising more and eating better, I should lose some weight. I’ll keep track of it but we shall see what happens.
  • Tracking habits. This is more about being intentional. Take my meds everyday, track water intake, track calories, track weight weekly, track exercise. Track how often I clean the house. Notice patterns. Track how long I study for each class every day. I feel like when we track our habits, good or bad, like smoking, it makes us want to do something less or more based on the results. What I mean by that is when you see in your log that you aren’t exercising enough, it motivates you to do more or if you drink too much, maybe it motivates and challenges you to do less.

I think all of these are about intentions not so much goals or resolutions. Something to better myself for the long term. What are your plans for 2022?

Much love,


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