I got an urgent call from my new employer. When I called them back, they told me because I have a criminal history and it is in Diversion for a lesser charge, I cannot work for the company in that particular position until the charge is reduced which won’t happen for one year and nine months. I held it together on the phone and she asked if she could talk to her hiring manager about any other positions that I could apply to and be hired for. I said alright and that was it.

And then I lost it once the phone call ended.

I cried and called and called and called Diego and then when he didn’t answer, my mom called me. I wiped away my tears and she hadn’t yet heard the good news of me doing well at college so I told her about that. I told her my DUI got in the way of the job and she said something kind of snide about the other shoe dropping like that’s what being an alcoholic gets you.

But the thing is, I was and am not an alcoholic. I think because she had the main drinking problem in my family that she wants someone else to get the black sheep title besides her. Yeah, I fucked up and I totally own up to that, but she doesn’t need to drag me down in her own insecurities. I am not mad at her for saying that but it kind of irked me.

I am not even mad at the situation. These are the consequences for my actions. But I deserve them. I can’t take back what I did but I can correct my actions now and in the future. I am maybe frustrated because it’s not like I would be driving clients to and from places using my personal vehicle and even so, I have a valid license because it’s a misdemeanor on my record; I blew under the legal limit. But it still shows as a DUI on my record until the diversion agreement is complete after two years of good behavior.

I finally got through to Diego and he called me and at this point I was off the phone with my mom and was sobbing. He just kept saying he was sorry. He had plans to go to Zoo Lights with his co workers tonight and he said he would cancel them and stay with me. I said I had nothing better to do than unpack and clean so why bother staying here? I had the dog so I figured he might as well go. After some back and forth he said he would go tonight. I still stand by that because he’s had a rough go around recently and I think it’s best for him to be around people that make him happy and make him laugh, which they do.

So far this morning, I have made the bed, put away all of Diego and I’s clean clothes, and I am on my second load of laundry. I am taking my blogging break now and then I will clean the bathrooms and then do dishes and deep clean the kitchen. Once the second load of laundry is dry I will put all the clean towels away. Then I can start unpacking.

I think keeping busy and applying for jobs here and there is the way to go to keep up with unemployment. I did my phone calls to unemployment and to my insurance company this morning regarding some medical bill that was paid by my insurance company and the other company hasn’t received payment even though it was sent back in November. So I did the whole back and forth until the one company told me I can disregard the bill if they are getting paid.

I just feel lost and without direction and I pray that God guides me into a new opportunity.

Much love,

Dani