I wrote very vaguely about this last night. But I wanted to reiterate this past week and what led up to getting my grades back.

I have had a very.. weird week mentally. I went from manic spurts of energy to having none at all. Usually my bipolar disorder is very regimented and I go for weeks/months in a certain mental stage, either hypomania or depression, but usually don’t flip flop in-between the two stages while in a depressive state. Or maybe I do and I have never noticed before.

You see, I have been on meds since April 2021 consistently taking them everyday and this is the longest I have done that, well, ever. Nine months of being consistent is something I am not used to. I’ve basically been in a depressive state of mind since August when I started school at WSU. I think I need to up my antidepressants, but I haven’t yet. It’s time to reevaluate with my doctor about my bloodwork and my meds to see what is working and what isn’t. I thought about reducing my lithium since I am on 450mg twice a day for 900mg. I was on 1200mg at one point but I want to taper down a bit if it doesn’t off set my moods.

This week was a little funky though because Friday and Saturday of last week I spent all day vigorously cleaning and getting rid of stuff and moving my stuff that I want to keep to Diego’s house. Sunday and Monday were off days. I didn’t want to get out of bed or do much of anything besides putter around the house. Yesterday, Tuesday, I was up at 8:30am and ran outside because I heard the garbage truck come through. It was trash and recycle day and luckily we are the last in the neighborhood for pickup so I made it just in time.

Then Diego woke up and we decided to look at mobile home doors at a mobile home retailer because our back door is made of aluminum and is starting to bow outwards and doesn’t seal properly. To get a stronger door is relatively cheap, around $350. We could easily get one that swings into the mudroom rather than swings outside and one without a window for privacy and security reasons. We called a guy to come do an estimate that works with the retailer and so for $80.00 he will come do an estimate. We tried Lowes for an estimate, but they can’t warrantee their work on a mobile home without wheels for whatever reason so that fell through.

The visit was about ten minutes, but we got our estimate date which is right after the new year.

I am kind of frustrated with my new job because they ask for all my vaccine records which is fine, but when I photo copied them to the new job, they said that they were insufficient because the lot numbers weren’t on the vaccine card. They asked if I could get my records and lot numbers from over twenty years ago and I’m like no this is what I have. So now I have to make an appointment with my doctor to order blood work for a titer? test to show immunity. I mean, they are talking MMR vaccines, chickenpox, TB, you name it. Plus the covid vaccine which I got prior to my last job so that was cool. I gotta get a flu shot every year so I have that scheduled before orientation.

Diego got a call from my employer because I forgot I put him down as a reference. Lol he was my boss for the five years I worked grocery with him. He gave me a fair, yet honest reference and said he personally would rehire me. He said I showed up early, worked late, got along with co workers, and treated my customers well and I had customers who favored me and would wait in my line. All true things. He said I don’t immediately respond well to criticism but I think on it and implement the critiques into my work. Which is fair. I hate criticism. Lol.

I went to my mom’s house and packed some more big things into my car like my standing lamp, my desk chair, my bookshelf and some little stuff here and there. I realized that all my boxes were still full of stuff and at Diego’s so I couldn’t take any of the smaller belongings until I unpacked those. So today (Wednesday) I will do a lot of unpacking into my office and general cleaning up before I go back to my mom’s. Honestly at my parents’ house I just need to get the contents that were on my bookshelf, my reading chair, my desk contents, my dresser which is light, and my clothes in my closet.

The bed is staying there and so are my two desks in my room. My mom bought my Samsung tv off of me and she bought it for my dad for Christmas and we are going to surprise him with it. Since it’s a 55″ tv and it doesn’t have a wall mount, I let them have my big desk that they can put it on in the second living room. Now let me rephrase that. My parents’ aren’t rich by any stretch of the imagination. But they converted the formal dining room into another living room so it’s basically his and hers tv rooms because my parents don’t like the same tv shows. I mean, it’s kept them married for almost 35 years thus far so I am not gonna knock it.

Mom and I got take out from a local burger place and it made us both sick with how greasy it was. I always think it’s a good idea and then I see my food and I just can’t eat much of it. Especially now that my GI issues are back in full swing I can’t do greasy food. After lunch, I packed all the belongings in my car and went back to Diego’s.

My dad emailed me from his office at work asking when he could put gas in my car. My dad is generous and loves me by doing small things for me, and one of those things is filling my car up with gas each week. He knew I was low after the back and forth from my parents’ house to Diego’s for moving. So I went a little early to buy some candy that Diego was craving and when my dad got there, I had struck up a conversation with the cashier. I don’t remember how we got to it. But my dad seemed to know her as that was his halfway commute pit stop for gas if he ever needed it. My dad said he was filling up my gas tank. I told her once he left that I knew I was very privileged and fortunate that he did that for me. We were talking about different cultures and how Hispanic folks (as I believe she is Hispanic or a Latina) are very independent and it’s hard for them to let others do things for them. I asked her how could I incorporate little things, like cooking or cleaning or paying for things into Diego and I’s relationship from her point of view and she said just do it little by little and give it time.

I thought it was interesting and my dad said he was done pumping my gas so I went outside and thanked her. I thought of what she said on the way home. Diego is constantly providing for me and I don’t feel as I do enough. I think he and I have fought so much on what I should do and what I can actually do so much that his standards for me are the bare minimum. I want him to be able to rely on me. I know he does and can but I want him to lean on me more and make it less of a burden and more of a blessing for him to have me at his house.

I brought home candy and we ate some of it and went to bed not to long after. At some point I woke up and checked to see if my final grades were posted and I received two B’s and two B+’s for a grade point average of a 3.150!

I had the goal of getting a minimum of a 3.250 with hopefully making honor roll, but I didn’t cut it this semester and that’s okay. I did exceptionally well considering I stuck to the plan and for six months, I have been diligently working hard and not getting into trouble. I could’ve worked harder some days more than others and I slacked off a bit after midterms and I own up to that. However, I am proud that I finished and finished strong. I have the know how to finish better and stronger for next semester and know what it takes.

I may have been rushing between manic and depressed the past few days, but those grades made it all the worthwhile. Today will be busy but I want to get some work done around the house and knock off some tasks on the to do list. I am feeling more manic than anything considering I haven’t been back to sleep since 4:40am and it is now almost 7am.

Much love to you all and if I don’t hear from you or blog in the next few days, Merry Christmas / Happy Holidays from your fellow Precarious Aquarian!

Dani