Bipolar Update 2.0

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I think it was the beginning of October when I updated you all last on my bipolar disorder. So this post will be about my current medication list, symptoms, and overall health levels. It seems like so much has changed in a short month and a half, yet not at all.

Overall, I feel alright, nothing to complain about. That is probably because I have been on medication consistently since summertime. I have a hunch that these meds will stop serving me eventually, but until then I gotta enjoy life to the fullest with minimal symptoms.

I currently take an antidepressant, antipsychotic, a mood stabilizer, and vitamin D3 for my bipolar disorder. These meds are tailored to me and my symptoms and may work differently on you and your own diagnosis. I also have hydroxyzine to use for anxiety as needed. My only complaint is that my anxiety attacks have been bad when they come, but it’s alright. I have gotten through every anxiety attack that has come my way so far and I will continue to fight through them.

I have been on everything besides the vitamin and the hydroxyzine since summer, and before that, I took these meds inconsistently for years. The vitamin is the sunshine vitamin and living in a cold and wet place like Washington state makes a D3 vitamin almost a requirement for living here so you don’t get depressed. Ha.

I stopped taking modafinil which is my stimulant. I have severe and obstructive sleep apnea and I need surgery for it because I cannot tolerate the cpap machine that I have. I get these pustules on my nose and face that are super painful. I showed a picture to my PCP and she was like “yeah, no let’s not do that.” So I need the surgery which implants a cpap device inside my chest and then I can control it and my airway from shutting. (that’s the gist of it, I am not sure quite how it works.)

I honestly don’t notice a difference between the stimulant and without it because my body got so accustomed to taking it that it no longer phased me at the end. Initially I felt kind of wired and invincible but not in a shaky manic way. That probably doesn’t make sense but mania, for me, is like getting just drunk enough at a bar and having the false sense of confidence to talk to the guy or gal you like, but you’re still shaky and nerves and sensory overload gets the best of you. But you act on your gumption anyways because you’re drunk.

I no longer go out to the bar because of my accident and my court stuff. I went to a Mexican restaurant yesterday to meet my friend because we decided to do Christmas early this year. Well, I have had Christmas gifts wrapped and ready since September, but he ended up caving and buying my gift early so we exchanged gifts yesterday. I had that nervous yet manic energy about myself because I knew I was gonna have a margarita.

Now, mind you. I still drink on rare occasion at home but I haven’t been to a bar since August so going to get a single drink scared me. I lived two miles from the restaurant and I could have called my parents if I drank more than that one drink but just being there made my paranoid delusions bad to the point I was shaking. But I didn’t want to leave and then the tequila in my watermelon margarita that was frozen soothed my anxiety.

My friend shipped to my house a She Hulk tank top in my size and so I wore that with my green Vans, skinny jeans, and green sweater. I also got my green glasses yesterday so I wore those and held onto my green vape. Good thing I have a lot of green stuff just for this outfit’s sake! I gave him two original Crown Royal drinking glasses that had the label engraved into the glass. He was very pleased because Crown Royal is his favorite whiskey right now.

My health has been kind of okay. I have really low hormonal levels according to my bloodwork indicating that I may be going through a kind of menopause. Mind you, I am 23 and this shouldn’t happen for 30 more years. But I have a referral with a gynecologist to look into my situation more because even though I don’t want kids, especially biological kids right now, I may change my mind in the future. I am not sure if it is related but my interstitial cystitis has gotten bad and usually bladder and female reproductive health go hand in hand. But I don’t want to jump the gun and jump to conclusions without definitive answers.

But overall? I am okay. I bounce between being fine, depressed, and hypomanic every few days but the overall curve of the mood swings is a lot less severe than I have been in the past. My cycles are more frequent, but less severe if that makes any sense. I will take different mood changes with minor severity any day of the week! Well… I kind of have to whether I want to or not.

Also, I gotta get vitamin B injections until I can buy a vitamin form and have it shipped to my house. They make me feel better overall even though I don’t like needles. I could do them at home, but I am too scared to do it myself and no one else will do it for me so I gotta make time to go see the doctor and have the nurse do it.

Okay that’s it for me. How’s your mental health? let me know in the comments below!

Much love,

Dani

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