do you ever just…?

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Do you ever just think that you think too much? Or sometimes too little? But it never seems to be the right amount of thinking and then you’re busy pondering the matter of how God placed the moon x amount of miles away from the Earth in relation to the Sun.

And then you fixate how you have a subpar haircut and that guy at work looks at you and has the cutest smile that makes your heart flutter and tap. Then you go back to fixating about how self conscious you were. Then you think about your grocery list and how you wrote the list down but forgot to bring it to the store with you and you cannot remember the third thing on the list that’s semi important but when you picture the list in your head, your mind goes blank.

Then you realize you’re in the middle of a conversation with someone and you stopped speaking to think all of this that literally has no relevance to the topic at hand, which so happens to be college football.

Does that ever happen to you?

Because it happens to me all the time.

I have a hard time with blogging because I have so many ideas run through my head faster than I can write or type it out. It must be some joke because my brain does not shut off. I literally wake up out of a dead sleep to think and process something I just have dreamt about and have no recollection of what that dream was.

This makes planning nearly impossible because on top of having an unbelievable about of thoughts in my head, I can never remember them all. I cannot remember most of them. I just sit here and ramble like a buffoon about what ever I can think about in that moment and conjure up an eloquent thought. I may be less symptomatic as far my bipolar symptoms go, but my cognition and my recall isn’t nearly what it used to be.

It’s not even like I smoke copious amounts of weed and drink half gallons of bourbon each day. My recall is shit for a reason and I can’t place why. Or maybe it’s my biggest symptom of my bipolar disorder while on medications. I should look up medications for bipolar and look at all of their side effects. That might be interesting and call it “drugs, explained”.

Between the time of putting that last phrase in quotes I forgot where I was going with this post. All I know is the I am punching the damn keys with my broken ass Beats on half of my head so I can listen in one ear and then get the ASMR effects of typing of my MacBook keyboard. I am honestly not the biggest Apple person, but the Magic keyboard by Apple is mesmerizing! It clicks and types so well and the ergonomics are fantastic. It makes it hard to use any other keyboard.

Well that’s all I got for this rant. Stay tuned for my next post, bipolar drugs explained. Hopefully that’s not trademarked already.

Anyway until next time, folks. Deuces

Dani

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