Happy 31st day of Blogtober aka Halloween! It has been a great month of blog posting. I did not skip a day’s post and I posted each blog on the day that I intended to post it (i.e. no late or missing posts.) I didn’t think I could follow through with it and I am so happy I did.

I did learn that I need to plan ahead with my blog posts in general, especially during a month long challenge that requires daily posts. When I write, I tend to write a lot, which needs to be planned out rather than me fumbling through the random, disorganized thoughts in my head. I also learned that blogging is about quality over quantity. It might be nice if you have something new every day but that’s how writers get burnt out quickly; always trying to write the newest, best thing. I know for me that I am very thoughtful and intricate and I want my posts to relay that. But when I am throwing stuff together two hours before midnight, my thoughts are going to come off scatter brained.

For those of you who might have missed my last post, I created a posting schedule which I shared with you all in regard to what days I will post new content. I decided I will have a post up for November 1st and every third day after the 1st, I will have another new blog post. The other two days where content is not being posted is time for me to do administrative work for the blog, make updates and tweaks, and the other day is meant for writing and editing.

If I can stick with a 31 day, every day blog posting schedule, I think I can handle 10 more in depth posts each month. I am still trying to determine what I will write about and make it so the content always comes down to mental health, because that is my niche here at Precarious Aquarius. But I do struggle because I love mental health and I am passionate about it, I really am. But with my own mental health being so good, I really can’t complain. I feel good and overall, I am on the up and up. I truly cannot complain. But I have come to realize that my blog isn’t just a place to vent, it is a place to inform and there are still topics within mental health that I can discuss and minimize stigma against mental health.

Anyways, my Halloween was rather dull. I think most of the Halloween parties happened on the 30th (so Saturday night) and I was in bed by 8:30pm that night. I was over at Diego’s so he woke me up around 5am when he left for work and told me he took Poncho out. He gave both Poncho and I the lovings and a kiss goodbye. I don’t remember him leaving as I already fell back asleep.

Poncho started walking on my chest and swatting my face with his paw as my alarm clock to get up and let him outside. I quickly got my sweatshirt on and my sandals and took him outside. It was a clear blue skied day, at 45 degrees outside. I went inside to the slightly warmer house which looking at the thermostat said 54 degrees IN THE HOUSE. I promptly turned on the heat and smoked my vape and fell back asleep. It was only 8am on a Sunday.

I got showered and ready to meet a friend for lunch when I text her to see if we were still on and she said she would have to reschedule. I was a little disappointed because I would have stayed at Diego’s longer had I known I didn’t have to go 40 minutes North bound to meet her. You may think that’s far, but to give you some perspective, I am used to driving that much daily. From the farthest North part of the county to the furthest South part of the county takes a hour by car to reach peninsula to end of the county line. My parents live in the Northern tip of the peninsula, west of Seattle by ferry boat. To go to the mall, I have to go to the central part of the county which is thirty minutes away. Diego’s house is 50 minutes from my house and he lives near the county line, but not quite. So my friend and I were meeting in between my parents house and the central county spot because that was in the middle of us. I had not planned to go to Diego’s so that added twenty extra minutes to what would have been a twenty minute drive to meet her.

Now that is all null and void because she cancelled. I drove to Dutch Bros and got a Rebel drink which is essentially a blended red bull spritzer but their own energy drink. I drove the 50 minutes home and was greeted by my parents. They get so excited when I come home whether it be from Diego’s or even from the grocery store. I had hot dogs in tow as my mom was making chili since that is her halloween tradition. I worked on my budget and talked to my mom for a bit and ate dinner with her. I unpacked and invited her upstairs to watch tv with me in my room as I put clean laundry away. She originally said no, but my dad made her feel bad by guilting her into spending time with me.

She feels out of place in the lair and I am not sure as to why. I give her the good chair and I give her the remote as I separate my clothes into piles on the bed. She picked one of those “real” housewives shows and she kept asking me if I knew any of them or their net worth and I am like mom I barely know my net worth which is probably a negative number if we are completely honest. She went to bed around 8pm and it is nearly 9:30pm now so I ate some popcorn, munched on some candy and have been busy blogging away with YouTube playing on my tv.

I saw a bunch of peers and friends on Facebook and Instagram partying it up, drinking at bars and at random parties and getting all dressed up for Halloween. It makes me feel a little left out for the fact that that isn’t my life anymore. But at the same time, that isn’t who I want to be anymore. I haven’t been to a bar since August and I think I need to keep it that way. I don’t want to spend $30 for three mixed drinks when I could get a good bottle of bourbon for 2/3 of that price and drink at home. But even then, I haven’t drank much at all. I think in the month of October I may have had two shots and a couple sips of wine I decided to buy, but drinking hasn’t appealed to me and I am thankful for that.

It’s just hard being a 23 year old who doesn’t drink, who doesn’t party and I want to have fun, but those things just aren’t me. I am a bit lonely, but that is the price I have to pay for fucking up my own life and now trying to salvage the pieces and glue them back together.

Upwards and onwards.

Dani