As I sit here trying to write a paper that is due at midnight, I remain stuck. Stuck in what I am thinking, stuck in the procrastination that I am prioritizing. I have made the decision that this 25 point assignment I can afford to turn in late and be deducted those 2 or 3 points. I just cannot focus right now and the closer 11:59pm gets, the more anxiety builds and the procrastination continues.

I would normally say that I am a fairly productive person. I have not had a missed or late assignment all semester until today. It is 10:56pm my time and I was stressing to have my assignment done before midnight which is the due date. Well you can always say I had so much time to start earlier but we are here and now in this moment. I cannot turn back the hands of time. I should’ve started sooner, yes. But in the past, like yesterday procrastination worked well for me. I finished my art assignment before my deadline even while baby sitting and having those minor distractions here and there. But tonight I just can’t get with it.

I kind of got the overwhelming feeling of being home sick. For those of you who don’t know I live in Washington State whereas the rest of my family lives four hours South in the Portland, Oregon area. I live with my folks up here and my sister is local, but my extended family is south and is originally where I am from. I think this feeling got worse due to my psychology assignment. I am supposed to find a peer reviewed study or article in a scientific journal that is mentioned or referenced in common media like the news, Seattle Times, WSJ, NYTimes, etc. Believe it or not, this is a very difficult task that takes days of preparation. The writing itself is fairly simple, compare and contrast the topics brought up in both pieces. However, I could not find any scientific journals mentioned in recent news so I found an article in a scientific journal written actually by my dad’s cousin who is a geriatric medical doctor about his mother who just passed away from dementia.

It is ironic considering this lady, Mary, was my grandmother’s sister-in-law and my grandmother also has dementia around the same time. The article was very insightful and perfect for my paper. My “aunt” or whatever she is to me was a Japanese American during world war 2 and was placed in internment camps around or on Vashon Island here in Washington. She published two memoirs in her eighties and then was diagnosed with dementia. The article said that Mary would point to her head and joke like her Papasan, “Nobody home!”

It made me think of my own grandmother’s deterioration and how nobody has been home or even on the premises for a long time in grandma’s head. I am happy that I am going to see my family next Monday, but I feel like it’s never enough. I need to call or write more. But it’s hard. Hard to see everyone go backwards rather than forward. It also made me think of my own parents and how they are older and I don’t know how much longer I will have with them. My parents are 65 and 60 which isn’t that old, but it’s getting harder for them to do stuff; little things, but things none the less.

But instead of making this a depressing post, I want it to be a positive one and a positive use of my time. Long ago, I created a white board… well, I bought the whiteboard, did not create it. I wrote on said whiteboard my “Vision Board”. I don’t know about you all, but I don’t believe in manifestation or dreaming my vision board into reality, but I do believe it is important to see my goals and dreams every day and that makes an impact on my person.

I wrote my vision board I believe in June or July so 1/3 of a year ago. A lot of it still rings true, but could use some tweaking. I have a focus word, thankful for section, values, quote, dreaming of, bucket list and some general goals. I love my values, quote, and dreaming of section, but need to adjust the rest.

So here I will re write my vision board! If you have a vision board or list of goals, let me know in the comments below!

Vision Board

Focus Word:

Relentless

Values:

Identity

Transparency

Self worth

Thankful for…

God and family.

Quote:

“Self-discipline begins with the mastery of your thoughts. If you don’t control what you think, you can’t control what you do.” – Napoleon Hill

Dreaming of…

1. Graduating with my Bachelor’s of Science in Psychology
2. Losing more weight; went from 205# to now 189# next down to 165# !
3. Eliminate all debt by 2025 excluding student loans.
4. Dedicating more time to the blog here at Precarious Aquarius to make it more successful.
5. Being consistent in my relationship with Christ and others.

Goals

Habits:

-Drink 64 ounces of water a day, reduce soda intake, consciously watch what I put in my body, continue to diligently budget and track spending, wake up at 5am on work days and write in planner, 30 minutes a day either writing/planning/journaling.

Personal:

-find a therapist, walk at least one mile 3 days a week, make new friends.

School:

-spend 2 hours maximum on learning on work nights, 6 hour maximum on days off, keep up with school planner, have one day off from school a week.

Home / Diego’s:

-get up by 9am on non-work days, cook dinner when I am at home, try to eat 2 balance meals a day minimum, skin care every third day

Things to work on:

Consistency in relationships.

What I am killing’ it at:

Budgeting and expense tracking.

…

I hope you all enjoyed this post, if you ever have questions, comments, or thoughts, let me know via email or in the comments below.

Much love to you,

Dani