Day 16 of the blogtober challenge. I know this is kind of cheating as I am writing this post on the 15th and saving it to post on the 16th, but I plan on doing homework and maybe help out Diego’s mom tomorrow evening so I wasn’t sure how much time I would have to post on here…

Anyways. Today my emotions have been all over the place. One moment I am happy, laughing, joking around at work and then I go on break in my car to smoke and I am nearly in tears. There is no reason for me to feel sad or bad about anything. Overall, today was a pretty easy work day. By 10am, we discharged two clients and had six remaining; all very low maintenance people. We were fully staffed and I got all the breaks if and when I needed them to smoke or to make phone calls.

During my lunch I made phone calls to get doctor’s appointments and to get on the schedule for my academic advising appointment. As far as school goes, I will get a phone call on Monday, the 18th and will then be able to sign up for classes for spring semester of 2022. I got some legal loose ends tied up and now it’s a hurry up and wait game for that. Until everything is all said and done, I am not ready to talk about the situation that occurred but I am fine and everything is now hunky dory!

I think my emotions are getting the best of me because I have not really given myself the opportunity to sit down with me and my thoughts and to just reflect on life. I have been go, go, go with school and my 12.5 hour days at work and trying to see Diego and Poncho every once in a while that although I do have self care days, I do not have self reflection day(s). I think without self reflection, we are just repeating the same madness over and over again and saying, “What are we really doing here?” just spinning your wheels through and through.

There is a difference between self care and self reflection. The difference is that self care is what you can outwardly do or change to benefit you while self reflection is what you inwardly work on yourself to benefit you and those closest to you.

It reminds me of a client at work who said “People always talk to God to voice their opinions, but do they every sit and listen for a second?” (I am probably misremembering the line, but you get my drift.) If we don’t give ourselves time to reflect on the good, the bad, and the ugly, we are never truly working on ourselves or getting true and honest self care. Self care should encompass not only outward changes, but more importantly inward evolutions of yourself and myself.

I think I really need to sit down with pen and my handy dandy notebook and write a self care sheet of all the good things, the bad, what needs to change or stay the same, goals, etc. I have a vision board with goals, but I need more specific goals because the ones I wrote were pretty vague because it was long before I started school.

Speaking of which, I got some journaling to do.

Much love and peace to you and yours,

Dani