Photo by Mariana Montrazi on

I apologize for the lack of blogging lately. I thought I would be blogging more since I am home during this time off, but with surgery comes hardcore pain medication, which have been kicking my ass. I have been too out of it and “high” to think about typing anything up that would actually make any sense.

My meds haven’t kicked in quite yet so I thought I would take advantage of this time to blog a little bit. For those of you who are wondering, recovery is going quite well. The pain in my foot and leg is manageable with meds as long as I take them as prescribed. If I wait too long, the pain just overwhelms me. My mom has been a huge help, making three meals a day for me and sometimes she will come up to the lair (my sanctuary / bedroom) and watch Amazon Prime with me. Actually, it wasn’t until this week that I realized that you can watch shows and movies via Prime! We have been watching the medical show called “House.” It is quite good and was my favorite show growing up so I am glad I can enjoy it now rather than watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians or other pointless, but glorious reality tv shows.

Besides watching tv or listening to music while browsing the internet, I have been watching a lot of YouTube. When I first started my blog, I always anticipated me to start a YouTube channel to go along with it. I bought the boom mic, a wonderful vlogging camera, the Canon EOS M50, a tripod, and a ring light. It cost me around $900.00 to get and I have yet to use any of it. I bought the equipment back in March 2020 when the pandemic was at its worst, figuring I would have nothing but time to do those things.

Around that time, I moved in with my now ex, Diego and so my time was preoccupied by my then boyfriend and work. I suppose I could make up a million reasons not to do a vlog in addition to my blog, but I digress. I think I am really going to try to film some content while I am laid up and see how my MacBook Pro does with the editing process.

Now the question is what should I film? What should my brand be? I can make it the same as what I have going over here at Precarious Aquarius and talk about mental health, a topic I am fascinated with. Or I could try something entirely different with my YouTube channel and make it more lifestyle oriented or the vlog of an online college student.

I love the fact that I have such a strong following here at Precarious Aquarius and it would be cool to see that be transformed to YouTube as well and each site can bring awareness to one another. But I also like the idea of having a different side project for new and different ideas. I can see me using my blog as a fall back for ideas that would then be posted onto YouTube. For example, if I write a post here on the blog about bipolar disorder, I would probably write the same script or create similar content that would then be in video format.

I like having multiple platforms to promote positive mental health, but it would create a divide on what readers/viewers would choose to consume. Unless I post different content on both sites all underneath the same theme. But that seems exhausting within itself to keep up two majorly time consuming platforms not to mention when I go back to work and then start school.

I think if anything, I want to utilize the equipment that I have and do YouTube, but I don’t want to neglect the blog because blogging and writing is my first love / passion.

Not to mention the blog issue, I recently redecorated my room and it still looks great, but I have a dilemma. I only have one usable desk in my room and I need it for blogging/vlogging, but I also need a desk for painting and art endeavors. I do not have room for another desk, so I am very concerned with how I can arrange my space and my desk so I can both paint and have a laptop and an iPad with mouse and keyboard out on my desk. Not to mention to find the right space to set up my tripod and press play.

On a more serious note, I still have to apply for family paid medical leave through the state while I am absent from work so that I can continue to get paid. With my pain pill consumption, it’s been hard to do anything besides nap because it makes me groggy. Not to mention do orientation for school and have an advising session with Washington State so that I can sign up for classes.

There are so many things I need to be utilizing my time for school and money and medical stuff that I am feeling overwhelmed. But all I can focus on is online shopping which I don’t need to do and figuring out how to create the perfect space on a budget or look at Amazon hacks and nifty how-to’s.

I think my bipolar has been pretty good, but I am more on the manic side because of the narcotics. I am very antsy and don’t know what to do with myself because I am bed ridden. I am following doc’s orders and I am going to all the way, but part of me, the destructive part of me wats to rip this cast off like I did out of spite two years ago. But that didn’t end well.

Forty minutes of ripping apart gauze and plaster, my mother found me in severe pain, yelling and crying because I was so upset and angry at being in pain. The next day she had the doctor put the cast back on and ever since then, my mom is always checking in with me so that doesn’t happen again.

As euphoric and satisfying as my leg being free sounds and would feel, I am going to blog, admire the painting I just did and probably go back to obsessing over little things that don’t matter or make a Pinterest board of all the things I want to buy.

Any tips for staying sane when laying in bed all day would be much appreciated. I am also taking show and movie recommendations, painting ideas, book recommendations, and thoughts about my YouTube venture.

Much love,


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