On Sunday, I went down to Oregon with my dad for a day trip to see family. It surprisingly went well with minimal arguments and fighting. Granted, it was just me and my dad for the eight hour round trip car ride. But even the time where I saw my grandparents and various aunts and uncles was good too.

I initially didn’t want to go with just my dad, but my mom refused to go because her lack of hearing has gotten progressively worse and she doesn’t like to not know what’s going on or having to constantly ask others to speak louder. She also said that her weight gain made her not want to see family until she was “skinny again”. But as my dad and I said, we don’t know how much time any of us have left, so it’s important to get as much family time as we can get in now, before we all meet up at someone’s funeral.

So I enjoyed my experiences with my dad with his side of the family. We originally went down to help my uncle, my mom’s brother who is developmentally delayed, do his taxes. Fortunately, my dad had gotten the tax papers prepared and all my uncle had to do was sign.

Then, we saw my grandparents, so my dad’s parents. My grandmother has Alzheimer’s and she has no real memory of who I am, but she is in a care facility with her husband, which I am not really sure if she knows if my grandpa is her husband since her illness is pretty intense, anyways, I digress. I saw them both and we listened to some New Orleans jazz and my grandma seemed happy and was clapping to the beat of the drum and singing the words under her breath.

My grandpa said, “She can remember all sorts of music but can’t remember what she had for breakfast.”

My dad asked if she still knows the keys on the piano and she quickly replies, “Yup!”

After that, we went to my aunt and uncle’s house for dinner. They ordered pizza and my aunt’s boyfriend came and delivered it. So I saw most of my family in a four hour time frame. We all caught up and laughed and took some good selfies.

It made me miss my family and wish I could see them more often. With my car being in the shop until early May, that isn’t possible and I would have to go on short trips over my two day weekend, but I would like to go every 6 weeks if possible because I am not sure how much time my grandmother has left.

It wasn’t until my Nana passed when I was 17, so six years ago now, that I realized the importance of family and being close to one another. People are momentary but family is truly forever, love them or hate them.

This trip, I will remember and cherish walking to the ice cream machine with my grandpa at his assisted living facility and calling it Jim’s Gym where he got a full body work out and some cardio when eating and walking to and from his delicious ice cream. We took a selfie with our prize and I’ll always have that to remember him by.

As for my dad, we took a cute car selfie and I had him take pictures at this antique like restaurant where I had him stand in front of the headless woman in a dress that was made out of wood out front of the store and got his picture.

I know my dad really cherished the time we had together as well which made me happy to hear from my mom. Today I had work and it was alright, nothing too crazy happened. I told my mom it upset me when she viewed herself as lesser than due to her weight. It affects my own perception of my own body when she, who is smaller and weighs less than I do, says that she can’t stand to be seen in public.

Not to say that we both aren’t overweight, because we are, but her body dysmorphia has gotten to the point where she is almost agoraphobic and it scares me. She doesn’t view herself the way she should and even when she was 100 pounds, it was never skinny enough for her. Now she is at a healthy weight and she isn’t happy either. But I would rather have a medicated mom who is a little bigger than an unmedicated, unhealthy mom who can’t take care of herself.

She said she would think about it. It makes me sad that something such as body dysmorphia could make you avoid seeing your only family and there isn’t even much of us to see. I guess by all of my rambling, I mean to say that family is important and the fact that she hasn’t made a real effort to see family when she is fully capable of doing so makes me sad.

But she is a grown adult and can do what she wants. I am making a point to see my family as often as possible and that’s all I can do because I can only control my own words and my own actions. I can’t change the past where I wasn’t very close with my extended family, but I can change the present and the future.

Sorry for the rambling mess of a post! Just happy at where I am at in my life and want to share it with ya’ll.

Much love,

Dani