If I Could Turn Back Time

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#Blogtober20 – Day 7

Time is an interesting concept considering the fact that it is entirely man made, but without it, civilization as a whole would be lost. But what if we could turn back time and change our past? What would you change if you could go back in time and change certain events or involvement with certain people?

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. With that being said, I’m not sure if I would change anything because one small change in history would drastically change the course of other events either for better or for worse.

But this wouldn’t be much of a blog post if I didn’t try to change something if we could turn back time in this hypothetical time machine, so without further ado, here are the couple chain of events I would have changed in my life if possible.

1. I would have never been raped on 13 June 2018.

This is a weird one for me. I wish I was never raped nearly two and a half years ago. But I think I grew a lot from the matter in some ways so I’m conflicted about putting anything on this list. But if I could have grown as a person without this trauma happening to me, I would absolutely change the situation.

I had a gut feeling something bad was about to happen before I went in to this dude’s house. In this scenario, I would have listened to my gut feeling and I would have driven away before he made it outside to greet me. Maybe I regret not getting sex with somebody, but if it means I don’t have lifelong trauma from it, I say it’s a win-win.

2. I wouldn’t have gotten hurt at work 2 August 2018.

This would have cured a lot of headache and heartache. If I hadn’t stepped in that pothole at work, I would have never fallen and broken my ankle. I would have never had three major tears to the cartilage. I would have never needed 3 surgeries or had two already. I would have never lost my job at the shipyard. I would have kept my Jeep and ran it into the ground and wouldn’t be tens of thousands of dollars in debt. I would be making more money than I would know what to do with.

Life would be very different had I not gotten hurt, but maybe things are working out for the best despite my injury…

3. I never got hooked on gambling after 9 February 2019.

After I went to Las Vegas for my 21st birthday, I got hooked on gambling. I don’t think it was my trip to Las Vegas that was really the turning point, I think it was the trips to the casino beforehand that set me over.

Before my trip, I worked graveyard shift and when I got off at 7:30am, I would go to the casino and gamble until noon somedays. I think after my trip to Las Vegas, it only escalated from there. I have spent nearly $35,000 over the course of two years and those funds are better in my pocket rather than the casino’s deep pockets.

I never planned on getting hooked on gambling, but I suppose addiction happens to the best of us. But without this downfall of mine, I wouldn’t be where I am today.


Without these three hardships happening to me, I would have never been in the place I am today. I am no longer a betting woman, but my bet’s on me that I would be dead had I tried to change my past because knowing me, if these events didn’t happen, something much worse would have happened to me. I’m not sure what would have happened if these three events didn’t happen, but I’m sure it wouldn’t have been any better than those three tragic events.

I am proud of who I am and who I have become over the course of my lifetime. I have been through numerous adversities throughout my life, but without them, I wouldn’t have grown up. I used to be very childish and it took me a long time to be who I am today. I can finally say I am proud to be me, exactly the way I am.

Much love,


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