I figure a lot of people enjoy reading these FAQ posts because they are frequently liked and commented on, despite the fact that I have posted a lot since I did one of these things last. I think it’s important to inform others of my struggles and adversities through this Q and A style because it gives perspective; I am bipolar and can accurately defend or agree with certain statements said to and about bipolar folks. No, I do not speak for anyone but myself, but I do provide a perspective and point of view that is not often seen or heard on a public platform. I take this responsibility seriously. I can’t say I’m famous by any means, but I have hundreds of readers monthly who tune in to what I have to say.
So if you’re reading this, I thank you much for wanting to get to know about me and/or the bipolar mind! Without further ado, we shall begin with Bipolar FAQ part 3!
Can your religion’s God cure your mental illness?
In the Christian Bible, you hear stories of people who are blind can now see and the seas part for God who can walk on water; you hear stories like God inventing the rainbow as a promise to never flood the Earth again. But can he cure your bipolar disorder? I’ll be honest with you, I am no expert on religion just because I believe in God, nor do I pretend to be this devout, bible thumper who knows scripture by heart.
I am sure there are God made miracles and people who claim to have had mental illness that was then cured by Christ. Do I believe them? I believe in the power of God and that he is powerful, but he hasn’t cured my bipolar disorder. But in my humble opinion, God created adversity so that we grow closer to Him, not further away. Without darkness and dark times, how can we appreciate the light that god provides?
God makes every person with them in mind. He counted every hair on your head when He made you, He counted every star in the sky and named them. God made me with me in mind. He granted me with the adversity of bipolar disorder because He knew I could handle it. It’s quite difficult, don’t get me wrong. But he used my mental illness as a way to bring me to believe in Him. If I weren’t depressed at 15, I would have never gone to youth group. By praising Him for all the good things He had done for me, He was able to make me let go of my mental illness and my problems at home; it felt like He lifted a physical weight off my shoulders and that’s how I knew God was for real.
Ever since I was 15, He used my struggles and my darkness to draw me to the light aka Him. Without my bipolar disorder, I wouldn’t have seen the light. Can God cure this thing? I am sure of it, but it would be insane for me to think He would do that for me since adversity is the reason why I believe in the Lord.
What are your side effects in taking hard core anti psychotics and other mental health meds?
I think that taking medication for bipolar disorder is vital to living a fulfilling life. Without them, I would simply put, be dead. Every time I get off my medication, which is a handful of times, I suffer from severe suicidal ideation. It gets to the point where I then make a plan to kill myself and start writing notes to my loved ones.
With that being said, no side effect is too great for me to handle in comparison to suicidal ideation or death. Here is the list of side effects after taking an anti depressant, an anti psychotic, and a mood stabilizer:
- Weight gain – biggest side effect there is. I have been on these three meds for almost 5 years now and from the medication alone, I have gained about 40 pounds, which is significant. It’s hard to lose the weight because your body relies on these meds and without them, you’re still left with all this weight you can’t lose. It doesn’t help that I just had surgery and can’t exercise
- Tremor – this is an unusual side effect, but my mood stabilizer, Lithium causes my hands to shake super bad. So I take a blood pressure medication and it helps control the tremor. But the only issue is that I already have low blood pressure, so it’s SUPER low all the time now. Before it was like 120 over 86 and now it’s 90 over 50.
- Insomnia – I didn’t sleep well before I got on all these meds and now I sleep for an hour at a time. I sleep for one hour then I wake up, then go back to sleep for one hour, then I wake up, and so on. I have a hard time going to sleep which is why I only get 6 hours of sleep a night, but it’s not consistent.
How many hours do you sleep a night?
I sleep 5-6 hours a night, at best. But my sleep is not consistent at all; I often wake up 4 or 5 times a night because I just cannot go back to sleep, once I’m up, I’m up. Considering I am bipolar, I should get 9 to 10 because the more sleep a mentally ill person can get, the better. Unless you’re sleeping 16+ hours a day, that’s bad for mentally ill people. The only time I can sleep that much is during a severe depression, but with my meds, it hasn’t gotten that bad since I got diagnosed bipolar.
Why do you constantly act on your impulsivity?
This is a great question. I always want to use my bipolar as an excuse for some of my actions, but as Diego would always say (and as much as I hate referencing him and knowing he’s right pisses me off lol) that bipolar is a reason, NOT an excuse. Bipolar is not a character trait either, however bipolar affects my mind in a way that makes me very impulsive. I fixate on an idea; my latest idea was buying my MacBook Pro. I couldn’t get the images of me using a brand new MacBook out of my head.
Now it’s not that I wanted a MacBook Pro that was the problem, the problem was I could have used that $1,400 for a lot better causes considering I already had a Microsoft Surface Go for my computer needs and I needed the funds for other bills. I could have saved up for one and really thought the idea through, but that’s where the impulsivity came into play.
I’m trying to work on my impulsivity and since I quit gambling, it’s already helped me plenty in the impulsive department. But I think my gambling was more of an addiction than an impulsive decision considering I couldn’t control myself or my spending at all. But I am getting better at reasoning with myself if I truly need to buy something versus just wanting something and so on.
What things regarding your bipolar disorder are you working on?
- Impulsivity – being more intentional with my shopping and other choices and decisions
- Being slow to anger – thinking and reflecting through situations that piss me off
- Journaling more – I write on my blog daily, but sometimes that’s not enough
- Caring more about others – I can be selfish and disregard how others feel at times
- Letting people in – not shutting close friends and family out of my life just because I’m afraid of other people knowing my true feelings and emotions aka getting close
- Being more outgoing – I am pretty shy, so I’m trying to be more friendly when I go out
I think that’s it for tonight. Hope ya’ll enjoyed!