I was a writing well run dry; I had no writing inspiration with many drafts in the queue. Nothing seemed to stick.

Two hours into my work day, I get the following text from my therapist:

“I’m quitting.

Nothing new this week and we will say our goodbyes next week. I’ll explain then.”

…

So. My therapist just quit on me. My therapist that I have had for the past eight years. The one who has been through my days spent crying due to my mother’s alcoholism and her schizophrenia, the one I went to through every. single. relationship. with, the one who knows me probably better than I know myself.

I know she had a lot of personal issues and was getting to retirement age, but not now. Not for a couple more years. I thought I had more time to find a new therapist; to therapist shop, so to speak. I thought I could look around and go to multiple different therapists, find one I truly liked and not feel rushed about it. Like speeding dating, but for a counselor.

I feel a bit betrayed and feel like I am going through a bad breakup. I am not sure what or how I am supposed to feel, but that’s what I do feel. I need more answers, but obviously I am not going to get them until next week. I don’t think it has anything to do with me, I think it has to do with her.

My only thought now is how does this affect my social security – disability claim. I have no idea if she submitted the required paperwork for my claim in regard to my chart notes and what not.

It was a fight to get her to even write a summary of her chart notes and said it was considered “legal work” in which she charges $250 an hour and it takes a minimum of two hours to complete the task. I don’t know if this is standard or not; to charge a client money out of pocket for “legal work” in writing a summary to submit to a disability claims manager.

I’m praying to God that she already did this before she went on vacation… Today was the first day we were to meet up after her vacation, so I’m not sure what event took place in order for her to quit her own practice altogether. Without the summary of case notes over the course of 8 years, my case file has virtually nothing to support the claim that I require disability support.

I mean, maybe there is a silver lining in all of this. I need a therapist that is less flaky when it comes to keeping appointment times. I need someone who is more consistent with therapeutic regimes. What that means is my own therapist talked about herself and her own issues a lot of times. Sometimes it would take twenty minutes for her to talk about her life update and that only left me with twenty minutes of my forty minute session to work through issues such as my rape or resentment towards family or issues with Diego.

Who knows when I will even get a new therapist… I don’t have a set work schedule yet and until I can get it and know when I am finally done with training, I have no idea when and if I can see a 9-5 therapist. The nice thing about my therapist is she worked 12-8pm so I could always find an appointment time that worked with my schedule. I logistically know that I desperately need a therapist, but now I’m feeling rather jaded by this whole matter.

I’ll let you all know about the happenings at my potentially last therapy appointment. As one book closes, another one opens.

Dani