What is and what should never be

I haven’t been writing and posting to my blog as much as I would like to be doing. My life has gotten in the way of my blog with this new job and I’m letting it get to me. This blog truly began as a passion project for mental health awareness after the incident that happened with my last job. Now that I have a new identity with my new job, my passion project has changed in a sense. I am still all about advocating for mental health, especially my own, but I feel as though I have “gotten over” my wrongful termination due to my mental health status.

Now that I have this newfound identity in the medical land of record keeping, I haven’t felt as sorry for myself and although I don’t quite like the job itself, it gives me meaning and purpose from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Working five days a week and going from working zero is really difficult for me to find a work life balance. Before I had all this time to blog and work on my paintings and to cook and get projects done, along with socialize and go sing karaoke. I think it’s also hard to find work life balance due to this COVID-19 virus that has swept the world. When I am not working, I am with my boyfriend, at his house. But I have no motivation to write after reading and scanning records all day long. I don’t have my painting supplies here so I haven’t painted in two weeks. Now, if I wanted to make time for myself, I absolutely could; he wouldn’t mind at all if I stayed home to paint or write. I am just trying to find my passion again for the art.

As I begin to consider the future of this blog and what I want to do with it long term, I also consider what I want to do with my life long term. You see, for a millennial, I have chosen a very unconventional path in life. I should be graduating from university this year. Well, with COVID-19, most of my peers graduated last weekend, which is insane to me. I should be apart of that. But do I regret my choices? No. When I was 17, I was newly bipolar without the proper medication and diagnosis. I also had many medical ailments that made me believe I wouldn’t graduate high school on time. University out of high school wasn’t even an option for me. But had it been, I could be graduated now with monstrous amounts of debt, a non functioning liver, and a bachelor’s degree.

I joined the work force at the tender age of 16 and went from retail, to banking, to government work as a submarine mechanic, to working in a psych ward, to paralegal, and now to medical records. To think, I have already had a lifetime’s worth of careers in about six years, whereas my peers have no real world work experience, but have a degree. I honestly don’t think I would change my path, even if I could.

Now I sit in uncertainty of how to move forward, whether it be with my blog or with my life. But I’m sure I’ll find direction for both along the way.

Til next time,

Dani

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