So I think it was on Tuesday that I last posted, I don’t recall if I mentioned that I got an endoscopy that morning to figure out why I have been vomiting everyday for quite some time. I haven’t been throwing up in the mornings lately since I have been off of work which is good because I am not as stressed. (Well, I don’t have work stress; stress is very much alive and well.)

Anyways… apparently they did a few different biopsies of my intestines, esophagus and stomach. They are checking for the cancer, Barrett’s esophageal disease and celiac. They say if it ends up being serious, I will find out by phone call the diagnosis, but if not it will be 7-10 days from the 16th of May. Part of me wants it to be normal so that there is nothing wrong however I want there to be something causing the stress and pain I’ve been in so that the doctors don’t think I am lying. Which I know I am not lying but now it’s 5:22am and I am wide awake wondering about my potential medical diagnoses.

I took a shower a few hours ago because I have been asleep basically around the clock since I got out of anesthesia on Tuesday morning. My throat has been really hurting which makes sense because I had a tube shoved down my throat to look at my insides. I started a couple loads of laundry and now I’m writing this in my bed on my good ole MacBook Pro which is weird because I have been using my new iMac to write and to come back to the laptop is nice for a change. I do enjoy writing from the comfort of my own bed.

I need to get back on a normal sleep schedule but it’s so hard considering for two days I have been sleeping about 22 hours a day. I have a long to do list for housework but I need to put that all on pause until I am feeling better.

Well after this load, all my laundry will be caught up just need to put it all away…. oh the dreaded putting away clean clothes! I don’t mind laundry itself but I color coordinate all my clothes in my closet so it makes hanging clothes that more tedious. I need to deep clean my bathroom because it’s getting pretty gnarly to my standards. I need to also start selling some stuff I bought but no longer need or want anymore. My bed is covered in stationary and arts and crafts and as much as I love all this stuff, it needs a new home other than covering my queen sized bed.

My room is so full and I don’t have nearly enough storage for everything so I gotta sell what I actively do not use. Which to me seems like most of the stuff I have. It’s just a matter of not making any more excuses and doing the work.

OH! I interviewed for a med tech / caregiver position for an assisted living place. I think I just gotta to call to go over wage scale details and whatnot and then figure out a start date. I am not thrilled as this is not really what I want to be doing but I am good at it and this is a good time to make money, pay off debt, and figure out what I am going to do with my life. Because clearly school isn’t the right option for me so maybe this is? Well, we shall see. They talked about giving me $18.25 / hour for being a med tech and I am like yo I have a year of experience passing meds and doing all the shit you expect out of a RN. And before that served three years working inpatient of bot youth and adult psych wards where I didn’t pass meds but did basic caregiving there. I guess for graveyard (NOC) shift, you get $2.50 more per hour and I asked to work the noc shift because I want to make more if all they will pay is $18.25/ hour. So I will see today if I can either increase the hourly I start at due to my experience or at least get some if not all NOC shifts because I need that cash. For reference, I used to make $22/hour to do virtually nothing at my last job. So I didn’t expect a pay raise by any means but I guess making $18 a hour is better than none an hour at me not having a job period.

I think that’s all the updates I have for y’all so hopefully there are answers for health and work here soon. I got my headphones in while I wait for laundry to be done. I could put away some clothes now but since it’s early morning I’m sweating like a hooker in church and trying not to throw up. Debating taking my morning meds now or later in case I do throw up, I don’t want to be out of my morning meds. Done. Risking it. Well, my meds in the morning *should* help with the nausea and I already had some toast which shouldn’t make me ill. The struggles of being me are real! Some days more than others….

much love,

Dani