Nothing but trouble

I had my orthopedic surgeon doctor’s appointment for my left ankle injury. They tried to push back my appointment because I have an L and I claim for the injury but they kept saying they couldn’t bill L&I because they weren’t authorized medical professionals on the case. So I told them to bill my personal insurance because this doctor books months out at a time. So they take a few x-rays of my foot to see the progression of the injury and then reception comes back in saying we have to reschedule my appointment because they have to bill L and I but I kept saying it’s a preexisting condition that was previously denied by worker’s comp. So I don’t see how they would miss out on payment since my insurance was covering it and they would have no idea it was a L and I claim until I told them.

Doctor finally had the last say on whether she would see me or not and she gave the go ahead and explained that my claim would be kicked back anyways because I do have previous surgical history with this same foot. So she came in and frankly stated I needed a MRI to assess tendon damage, my flat footedness isn’t too bad considering the trauma and surgical procedures. I am supposed to be non weight bearing, on a knee scooter or crutches, and in a boot for the next two weeks and can return to work on Friday, February 17th.

Besides this majoring sucking my bank accounts dry, it sucks because I was just gone for roughly two weeks due to this and now I am missing more work. I doubt they could fire me but it freaks me out because I love my job and when I handed in my doctor’s note to the office after my appointment, I begged my program coordinator to come let me file papers or answer the on call phone if need be to make ends meet. I am somewhat on call because if there is an open graveyard shift at one house, there Is only two steps to climb. But that house is pretty covered as far as shifts go.

I had a list of words I am sticking by this year and those seven words are, Patience, Empathy, Passion, Reason, Relationships, Surrender, and Contentness. In this time of adversity, I have really had to surrender to God’s will that He has for me and not to lean on my own understanding.

Through God’s good graces I have been able to survive and thrive through the depths of my depression and my bipolar disorder. I have a doctor’s appointment in one week to address underlying issues and look at bloodwork. Through God, my KIA’s engine didn’t blow up on me and leave me or loved ones stranded somewhere. I was able to purchase a newer to me vehicle with my fiancĂ©, Steven and have that be a turning point with trust in our relationship. I have experienced not one, but two car accidents with Steven and we are fortunate enough that no one was hurt and vehicles can and were replaced with safer vehicles. I was able to withdrawal from this quarter of school and tomorrow I will create a plan of action to go back and get my degree. I have to pay a penalty of $980.00 for not fulfilling my promise to use the grants for their full intended purpose. But I am blessed that my tax return will cover that unexpected expense.

I am trying to remain in good spirits as the new month begins and God will be good all the time so I figure there’s no reason to fuss or pout. I am still under the weather and hoping to feel better by Saturday. I am looking forward to seeing those closest to me and for Steven to meet those people. It also seems to me that wedding planning has gone without a hitch. I feel like if it’s meant to be it will come to you. That may not always be the case, but for Steven and I, every decision we have made so far has been mutual and easy. I thank God for that too.

I feel like when I put God second, I lose as well as Him. I don’t know if that makes any sense. But having all this time off has allowed me to figure out what is most important to me and what I need/want. I desire a closeness to Him that I have never known. If I don’t prioritize Jesus, what is there? Money, sex, drugs, simply pleasures? Sure, but that is not the definition of joy. I am delighted to be going to Steven’s church on Sunday and I hope we can grow emotionally and spiritually together through that and moving forward.

I feel better after writing. It isn’t always easy, but to let go and let God, it removes myself, my worry, my struggles, my anxiety, my paranoia from the matter. I let Him fight for me and go to work like no one has before. Do I still let my bipolar win over me? Sometimes. But the more I do, and force myself to do, the more I want the simple things for myself. For example, I cleaned my room, did five loads of laundry, changed my sheets, made the bed, got all the trash and recycling, played my favorite videos online, got my essential oil diffuser going, and did my budget spreadsheet online while I waited to rotate laundry. That checked off like all of my to do list items in my planner and even though I did all of this sick as a dog, it motivated me through my depression to keep everything tidy and do more to keep up the nice work.

Today I made my bed, did some paperwork, made sure my tax documents were on the way, made sure my room was tidy, finished laundry and brought it upstairs to my room. Well, now I have four baskets of clean clothes that need put away but like I said I was busy all morning and still under the weather so that stayed put for today. I may have done the bare minimum today, but tomorrow I am motivated to do more and do better.

That’s it for me. I am headed to bed.

Much love,



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