This topic has been heavy on my mind lately. I have been in a depression for about four months now, which is longer than my usual cycle between hypomania and depression which used to rotate between the two every 2.5-3 months with “in-between” stages for approximately two weeks.

With that being said, I am unsure on where I stand on this matter. When I am deep in depression, it’s hard to do what seems like simple things such as showering, getting out of bed, doing chores or homework, but it is also hard to say if that is solely due to the depression or apart of my lazy nature….

What is the difference between laziness and depression?

If you define the word ‘lazy’, you get the unwillingness to exert energy or perform actions despite ones ability to do so. And for depression, we all can come to the conclusion that one cannot perform regular activity that one would normally perform if not in said depression. But I do think there is a fine line between the two terms.

I am naturally a rather lazy person, somewhat dealing with circumstances at hand and somewhat because I plain don’t want to. In the past two-ish weeks, I have been wearing a walking boot for my ankle injury so I have been needing to stay off my foot as much as possible when I am home which is an understandable reason as to why my chores were neglected.

But maybe had I not been as depressed or as fucking useless prior to the injury, my laundry wouldn’t be piled up, my bed wouldn’t be a mess and the trash would be contained. I think that both things, meaning depression and laziness plague me. No amount of motivation helps me want to get out of bed now and do basic things. Which to me, sounds like depression. However, the depression isn’t a 24/7 thing for me. I know cleaning isn’t my forte, but the same thing applies to my school work. I have avoided school work not just because I am mentally and physically incapable of doing so, I am just straight up lazy and don’t want to.

So how does one differentiate the reason behind action or lack thereof? How does one get or keep on being motivated? It’s easier said than done when it comes down to house work, grocery shopping, and even the more dire things such as school work and working on relationships with others. I say that because in theory the results of having good relationships, a clean house, and food in the fridge and pantry all sound great and is great to have, but it doesn’t motivate me to get out of bed whether I am depressed or just being lazy.

I get with school there is the end goal of graduation and a better job and better paying job as well, but I just frankly don’t give a shit. I don’t care if I lose my grants and I don’t care if I spent all this effort and money for nothing I just don’t care.

Maybe that is depression and if I am already on anti depressants and mood stabilizers (which I am) then what are the options now because life feels meaningless even though I know otherwise.

So maybe I don’t have an answer for you in regards to depression versus laziness. Maybe it’s both things; a grey matter not black and white. Well, most things are not black and white anyways. Situations are multifaceted.

I wish I had the answers but where would the fun in that be if I just gave everyone here a direct answer?! Not fun at all. Well, here is to hoping my slump is over with soon. I have been forcing myself to do at least one thing a day that is productive whether it be one assignment, cleaning one corner or section of my room or bathroom, or talking to a friend. The more I do the better but on days off it’s a good day even if I just shower or do personal self care.

It’s not always easy, but it is worth it. You’re worth it.

much love,

Dani