I really feel like this was a year of overall growth for me and for this blog and in nearly every aspect of my life. I am finally getting out of my depressive state funk. That as of lately more or less be from the new guy I have been “kind of dating” the past week and a half. I know it’s early but we talk non stop, he has a decent job, he’s 30 so a little under six years age difference. He’s really kind and compassionate. He reminds me of a more jaded version of myself which is understandable with his mental health struggles. It’s nice having someone to relate to on the mental health front because he’s in the fire right there with me. But he is medicated and goes to counseling and has some sobriety underneath his belt for his vices.
So far, we make each other very happy just talking and video chatting and visiting when we can. We went on our first official date last Friday and we both dressed super dapper-like. He wore an emerald green button down tucked into gray slacks with super pretty brown men’s dress shoes. He looked amazing and I had never had a guy dress up for me on a date before so it was nice 🙂 I wore my black floral dress low cut in the front with long sleeves and black booties. We held hands and I sang karaoke and we went out to dinner. We were gonna go out last night but as I was driving to meet up with him it started snowing super bad and it was a white out blizzard so I had to turn around with our food in hand because I was sliding all over the road. My Kia Sportage, Lana is not 4wd or awd so she’s terrible in the snow it’s the worst. I made it home safely and we ended up video chatting til he fell asleep and I took a nap. Now it is 4:21am and I am wide awake just waiting for my mom to get up so I have someone to talk to.
This weekend (Monday and Tuesday) have been good! Monday I deep cleaned my room, wiped everything down and my desk was a mile high with random knick knacks and papers and unopened mail and now everything is cohesive and has a place. I now have two desks; my writing and budgeting desk which includes my MacBook, keyboard, mouse, all the ergonomic goodies for effective workspace, budgeting binders, my coin tray, my planner, extra journals, 6 mason jars worth of pens and markers and highlighters and then general stationary. My other desk consisted of all my canvases, paint brushes, paints, palettes, and a big overhead light. I recently bought a new bookshelf/console center which I still need to assemble along with my new 50″ smart tv. I feel a million times better now that I am on top of my laundry and everything else.
I have a week left of school so now I am in crunch time and I am just trying to get everything done in time because final grades are posted on December 9th. Last assignment is due December 8th, but both final exams open on December 6th so I got less than a week to be done no later than December 7th. yikes. I was struggling with psychology all quarter trying to bring up my grade to passing and now I’m more worried I won’t pass math so I really gotta get on that today before work. I think next quarter will be easier. I am taking math in society which will be my last math related class in my collegiate career (well at least for my two year degree) and I am taking two drug and alcohol counseling classes related to my Substance Use Disorder Professional certification. Every Wednesday I will be on campus or doing school or lectures from 1-9pm every Wednesday. Math is all online thank goodness because I hate in person classes. But a girl’s gotta graduate with something somehow. After this upcoming quarter, I got one whole year until I graduate. Which feels like forever yet no time at all.
I think the more I get closer to a graduation date, I might actually walk at community college graduation because at this point, I don’t realistically see myself continuing my education past a two year degree and my drug and alcohol counseling certification. I want to be social worker and a designated crisis responder but getting my master’s is just a lot… a lot of time, money, and effort. I feel like if I knew what I wanted to do when I was younger, realistically I would have been done with my master’s by now. Obviously I can’t change the past nor do I want to however it’s hard trying to play imaginary catch up.
I say “imaginary” because it is; the fact that humans think they are on some sort of timeline to accomplish anything is archaic and outdated. And this isn’t to say I will never become a designated crisis responder or a social worker, I just don’t see it right now and I think that’s okay as long as I finish what I started here which I fully anticipate doing.
School has not been a linear or an easy process for me and to think I could feasibly do five more years of this shit is crazy to me. And if I really don’t pursue more education after my associates degree and certification, I want to go to graduation and walk across the stage to receive may diploma. It may sound silly but it will take me nearly eight years to finally achieve a two year degree and I want to be proud of that.
I think that’s it as far as life updates go. I feel positive for once with my mental health. I have a good guy I am “kind of dating”, I am about to finish strong with another quarter of school, and life is pretty a-ok.
much love to you all on this weird journey,