Comparison is the thief of joy

I never really thought about the title of this blog before…. comparison is the thief of joy. I thought it never applied to me because I just stayed in my own lane, did my own thing at my own pace but now taking off my rose colored glasses, I look around, and I am behind!

Behind who, you may ask? Behind people my age, behind people younger than me, people older than me, just everyone. Diego asked me today what my biggest accomplishment is in life and honestly I had no response for that. Then I thought about it and I thought me keeping this same job for the past six months has been my glowing accomplishment. I feel like for most, that is child’s play whereas others my age are getting married, having babies, buying houses, going corporate. Not me though.

I live with my parents at almost 25 years old. I have an ex fiancé. No kids. I am an absentee mom to my dog, Poncho who lives with my ex fiancé. I have no savings to my name and I am over 50k in consumer debt due to my crippling gambling problem. I have been not gambling for over a month now which is good but mainly that’s because I haven’t been paid but I guess a win is a win is a win.

I am taking a college success class and this week the topic was finances and I am like feeling all this pressure to discuss money and it’s funny because I watch all these budgeting videos on YouTube and these people have hundreds in each sinking fund category and thousands in their emergency fund and max out their ROTH IRA every year (which is putting in 6k a year). I am nowhere near that and now all my goals are just to create a $1000 emergency fund cushion (Yes I realize that a thousand bucks for an emergency isn’t much at all if my car breaks down, I need four new tires, I lose my job, etc. But $1000 dollars is better than no dollars and hopefully it helps me avoid getting into more consumer debt.)

So my goal is to get a thousand dollar emergency fund cushion hopefully with my tax return or by the time I receive my tax return. And then start investing and putting dinero into retirement because although I don’t see myself retiring in my lifetime, it would be good to get some pre-taxed income saved up in case I have to rely on that retirement as part of my income as I work full time or whatever. But investing is important to because my money ain’t no good sitting in a shoe box so I gotta let that shit earn interest.

Money stresses me out so much and I don’t feel like I am even that bad at budgeting but in comparison to my debt to income ratio, my income is virtually nothing to cover the cost of my consumer debt so it makes it impossible to buy necessities and pay excess debt payments. I am going to go on a selling spree here pretty soon because I am sick of being broke and I am working hella overtime this month so that I might even be able to pull 4k take home for the month of October which would be fantastic. But I don’t get paid til November 10th, so I am on the struggle bus before then.

I want to do so many things like sell my car to buy a beater with a heater so that I can refinance my auto loan and not owe $21,000 on a five year old car. I want to move out and live on my own and have everything I might need for that place. But all this takes time and money. Time I have but I lack the funds to buy a new to me car and a beater with a heater these days still costs around 4k which I don’t have and the same costs for move in costs to an apartment which I also don’t have. I am not sure what I can do I just want to be debt free so bad so I am frustrated, anxious, and unsure of how to move forward. I feel like I am doing everything I can to be ahead yet I am still so far behind.

Well anyways I hope all is well with you. Don’t mind me and my first world problems. Ha!

Much love,


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