R & R

Day 3 of 4 off from work I would say has been successful. Woke up feeling sick and slept most of the day away. I finally returned some Amazon packages I never needed to begin with. On my way to a bar to meet up with my best friend, my boyfriend texted me that his dog had died by getting hit by the mailman truck. I was devastated for him because I know how devastated I would feel if I lost my Poncho. Granted I do not see Poncho often, but if I did, I can only imagine how my boyfriend feels.

I asked him if he needed anything and he said he would probably take off work tomorrow and have me over to console him which I am fine with and more than happy to do. We spent all last weekend together from Friday afternoon til Sunday morning. We spent the weekend watching our favorite movies, making dinner, eating snacks, and going out together. We went to the lake before the weekend which was fun.

I went out with my best friend this evening which was the first time I had seen him in person since he was in the hospital for his foot infection. We were shooting the shit for a hour and a half and this woman kinda gravitates toward me and tells me her whole life story and starts crying because she lost her 18 year old son not too long ago and I tell her to feel her feelings (like I do) and I gave her a long hug. She told me what got her through the pain was a ketamine clinic and she and her boyfriend really encouraged me to try ketamine. I kinda give my friend a look like lemme get us out of here. So I listened respectfully and said we had to head out since we had been there a while and we walked out.

Now listen, I don’t judge but the dude was on crack and her eyes were so glossed over from the ketamine that I am not sure if I want to see either of those two sober. They were both nodding out and wow. If I ever wanted to try ketamine, that urge quickly went away. Like right away.

But like I said, I don’t judge. I couldn’t fathom losing a child and the ramifications of such choice or action would be terribly challenging. How one copes is up to them because personal autonomy is important to me. I just don’t think for me personally that drugs other than prescriptions such as anti psychotics, anti depressants, and mood stabilizers are right for me. I personally don’t know enough about ketamine to knock it but she said she had tried mushrooms so it wasn’t much different than that.

Anyways I digress. Today, all and all, has been a day. My mental health is constantly evolving as I am in a hypo manic state but I am suffering through multiple mood swings in a day, sometimes mood swings moment to moment that vary from anger, to sadness, to happiness, to whatever. I’ve been staying on top of my schoolwork and even have a 95% in one of my classes! SO that’s dope.

It’s all I got for one night.

much love to y’all.


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