I had my urology appointment this morning and it didn’t go as planned (well, of course!).

I was *supposed* to receive bladder botox, but my insurance won’t cover it without trying other oral medication first. The problem with that is I already pay an astronomical amount of money out of pocket. My insurance is decent, but I still pay a bunch in copays and medication costs.

The medication doc wanted to put me on is called myrbetriq which nearly no insurance covers, so we upped the dosage of my oxybutynin from 5 to 10 mg. I am not hopeful it will help my problem because it didn’t really help before.

The good thing out of all of this is that my doctor truly believes I am in pain and having more symptoms than my current diagnosis allows. Which is true, it’s not like I’m lying about crying as I use the bathroom due to pain and having to use heating pads for my kidney pain. He wants to help me and is going the extra mile to do so.

The bad news is that doc thinks that urine is moving back upstream toward my kidneys which would explain pain and why my bladder can’t hold much urine. But the catch here is to test for that or whatever the issue could possibly be, I got to get a catheter in my bladder (okay, been there done that) and a sensor up my butt (Being a rape victim that don’t fly with me) to monitor input and output and better yet! (sarcasm here) I have to go all the way to downtown Seattle to do this ungodly test.

Part of me doesn’t think insurance will cover the test but if it miraculously does cover the test, I am not sure I want to do it. Sounds horrible and my PTSD makes me not want to do it. But if I can do it, I will because if I can get to the bottom of this mystery illness, it would be a huge weight off my shoulders.

I feel like my emotional tolerance for bullshit and adversity has been maxed out. Well before I go on a longer rant, I will stop here and go to bed. TGIF for me.

much love,

Dani