I just threw out all of my wine bottles and gave Diego all my weed, beer, and good liquor. It felt rather strange pouring a delicacy such as bourbon down the bathroom sink drain but I felt unchained by it all.
It started with I woke up at 11am and my mom had written me a note that she would be going to an AA meeting and I told her if she would let me get dressed real fast, I would attend with her. I told her in the car that if they call to ask me to share, if my mom could speak up that I am just there to listen that would be great.
So it’s a small meeting and obviously it’s confidential so when everyone shares but me my mom starts to intervene saying that I like to listen in but I don’t have a problem. I start to interject saying I was going to say something. I whispered it rather loud so the others laughed kind of laughing with me, not in a hurtful way. I ack hemmed and said “Hi, I’m Dani and I am an alcoholic.” The crowd echos “Hi, Dani!” Words I never thought I would hear in my life.
I didn’t recall what the book’s passage said but I did recall it was about your higher power and giving your power up to Him. I think I stumbled around with my words, I don’t remember much but blurting out I got a DUI last year and I could have died and that I was sober six months then but I didn’t want it bad enough but now I want nothing to do with drinking or drugging It had been three days since my last consumption date. One of the regulars goes and grabs me a coin, a 24 hour coin and hands it to me and I hold it tight and he said Congratulations. I think I said more in my little chat but I don’t remember. I wasn’t planning on becoming or even being a sober person at that meeting. I thought I would enjoy myself and continue to live this sort of double life.
I always say this but I know it is no longer true. I don’t have a drinking problem (false). But I did and now totally do recognize I have problems when I drink. Which is result of a drinking problem. I feel like there is a bit of imposter syndrome like I am not really an alcoholic but isn’t that what every alcoholic says? All I know now is that I have a 24 hour coin to my name, it has officially been 18 months since I quit gambling to the day and I am no longer California sober. I am real sober. It feels good honestly and now I get to identify as a sober individual who isn’t lying, who isn’t stealing or cheating or whatever it took to get high or drunk or to gamble.
When Diego took my booze and weed he saw me puffing on my vape. I said to him, “one addiction at a time.” I am doing good today was a step in the right direction whether it be for my physical or even my mental and behavioral health.
Dates of Sobriety:
Thank you, God for another day and another blessing.