I am on a little weekend getaway with a friend of mine who I have talked briefly about on my blog. I think he reads me blog (or has in the past) and I want to respect his privacy. He said he read my blog after we had our outing for my birthday and he said he could never share what I am willing to share here at Precarious Aquarius.
I don’t think a lot of people realize why I share the things I do here on my blog. Not only do I think mental health is a pivotal topic to discuss, being honest about who I talk to, what I see, as I see it is just as pivotal in the process for healing, I treat this website like I would my own journal in my dresser drawer under lock and key. So why share it? Because I think a lot of people can either respect or relate to my honesty and that is something to write about.
Then there are cases of over-sharing which I am famous for. I don’t really have a reason or excuse for sharing what many people view as “too much” because I probably don’t feel that way. Do you withhold from a personal journal at home? No? Well same goes for here except I post so that the world can see it.
I do worry that people are affected by what I write. It’s not like my blog or its existence is a secret. I try not to write about family matters because a little birdy (come out, come out whoever you areeeeeee) tells my sister if and when I write about family here which is honestly not her business when I don’t share first names besides my own, certainly not sharing last names, or addresses, location, social security numbers, what have you. But to appease the masses, I no longer really write about family unless it had to do with a situation that I deem pivotal to the blog.
In any case, I do care about privacy believe it or not. Which is why I don’t use names for the people I associate with unless they want me to write about them. Or if I am pissed off, I might name drop you. Just saying.
I digress. Is there too much sharing? Probably but if it benefits one person than I am all for it. I think it does or let me know in the comments if my mental health talks and ramblings of life happenings help you either laugh, cry, smirk, or you just can empathize.
Do I think honesty is a coping mechanism? Yes because the way I use brutal honestly is so past the point of being visibly helpful to myself. In other words, I use intense honesty to shield myself from the pain and devastation that I have faced. Rather than being oh rainbows and butterflies on a cloudy day, I say it is fucking raining and I am drowning right now. When I mention cloudy days and pouring rain, they both send across a similar message but one provides more imagery than the other which helps me articulate my perception of the world.
I kind of live in this make believe world of delusions so I never know what is real and what isn’t so to ground myself, I write about everything that is real and everything that is up in my head to make sense of it all. I have this strong urge to be understood and for someone to “get me” in all that I am and my approach to getting to find that person who can understand me on such an intimate level is to share my story to the best of my ability.
I am not sure I can explain myself in a way to make myself better understood but my laptop is about to die and I don’t know where my charger is at the moment. Someone remind me to write about his someday soon.