My dad came home early from work today and while he made tacos for dinner, he kept asking me how my grades were, what I was learning in my classes when midterms were, all of that. My mom mouthes to me that I need to tell him that I withdrew from the semester. He went on a tangent about something else and I said, “Dad… would it be terrible if I..um, withdrew from this term?” He asked me if I already did withdraw from this term and I said yes as of Tuesday.

He got quiet and kind of laughed. I continued because I was nervous I said I would pay for his half and my half of the term and we would get a 40% refund of the term and I would pay him for the full price that he paid for tuition so he would be making 40% of roughly three grand. He asked if I would take a class or two and not a full course load this summer. I said I was open to doing something fall term, not hinting at my grants I got for school next year. I tried to say that it was better this happened now that not being able to commit later on down the line after more and more debt had been accrued. I told him that I didn’t think the debt to income ratio added up; I am in so much debt and earning so little that it’s hard to put me in 15k of debt per year for the next four years while earning so little. I get that I could be making more money once I earn my B.S. degree however that isn’t guaranteed.

Overall he took it well and he understood and wasn’t going to shun me. He kind of had an idea this would happen but he was appreciative of my honesty.

I am at Diego’s right now with Poncho. He worked another 12 hour shift today so I had to come over to let Poncho outside and feed him some din din. I left some food over here and ate that. I was supposed to go out on a date tonight to my favorite karaoke place however I am not feeling like it. I don’t want to go out or do anything. I just want to fall asleep to some tv. I wanted to go out at like 5pm but waiting to go out til 9pm at night is so late and I am so paranoid of leaving a bar and driving home even if I am sober. Because if I get pulled over sober and they find out I have a misdemeanor on my record that is bad news bears if I am coming from a bar. So I think I am going to stay here and not be out on the road tonight.

Diego doesn’t get home until 12am tonight so I will fall asleep cuddling Poncho lol. I want to talk to him but 12am is bed time.

I feel good about this week overall. I think I have had to make some fairly difficult decisions this week and I think everything is going to work out. I will talk to my future employer on Monday and see if my back ground checks and drug test were nonissues (which they should be nonissues) and once that happens I can start either Monday or Tuesday. Just gotta work a shit ton of overtime and pay my debts back and maybe one day I can buy a house. Who knows?

My mental health has been decent. I am riding the highs and hunkering down for the lows. Some days that’s all we can ask for, right?

much love,

Dani