It is currently 4:29am and I am wide awake. I think I went to bed around 11pm. And 5.5 hours is definitely not enough sleep but I have some tasks and errands to complete this morning / early afternoon.

My desk chair lost one of its wheels and it’s a nice lumbar support desk chair with the mesh backing. However, it doesn’t sit straight and I can’t find a wheel for it anywhere and when I was at Diego’s, I couldn’t find the wheel there either. So I found an aesthetic white spinny chair that matches my desk aesthetic for $40 on marketplace. I got to pick that up at 10am tomorrow about thirty minutes away from where I live.

Then when I return from that, I got to go to lunch with the family for my sister’s belated birthday lunch. That should be good since we are going to a burger joint. Honestly I am craving soup and salad so I don’t know what I will get there but is that really important at 4:37am? No, it is not.

I have some homework to do such as some psychology discussion boards, a biology lab, and history homework that is due Monday.

I finished my painting last night and it turned out alright! It’s a dandelion with a humming bird touching the flower with its beak and there is snow on a grassy background. I have it hanging above my bed now. I would show a picture below but it’s not that great. I mean, I like it but it’s not my favorite ever. But it is very Dani-esque.

So now I am smoking my vape and listening to music as I write this. I kind of want to quit smoking again, but I also don’t want to quit at all, all at the same time. It is so… enticing which makes it hard to quit. Obviously that’s the point of nicotine products but I need to cut it out of my life like I would cut out a bad boyfriend. I think it might be easier to quit once I start working again because I have the option to smoke literally all the time now. I vape in the house, in my room, in my car, everywhere so when I don’t have my vape on me, I get super anxious. It’s a bad and nasty habit.

It’s just hard because it’s been over two weeks since I quit smoking weed, today is day five without alcohol (not intentional) and day 1,436 of smoking (I’m not sure the exact number but it’s something ridiculous like this lol). I am trying to cut out bad eating habits and drink more water and do all of the things so I feel like all my progress will tumble down if I try to quit vaping now. Maybe I am just excusing my behavior (I am) but I don’t think I have hit my rock bottom with smoking quite yet.

That’s all I got. Not super busy day but busy enough. Okay much love to you all struggling today. I know things aren’t always nice and easy, but hopefully you can make today worthwhile.

Dani