One year today

Photo by Matthias Groeneveld on Pexels.com

It’s not something that I have brought up on my blog in a long time, but considering today is the day that marks one year, I figured I would share with ya’ll today that I have NOT gambled in exactly one year. The anniversary date is September 14th, 2020 and it is now September 14th, 2021. I never thought I would make it to this point.

It is crazy to me that I have not gambled in one year! Crazy, in a good way of course. For those of you who have been following my blog for at least the past year know that I have struggled with problem gambling for a long time. I would spend every dime that was in my bank account and was kicked out of my ex’s house because I spent my rent money on gambling. I contemplated suicide on this day, last year because I spent every dime of my two-week period paycheck. I didn’t know how I was going to pay for my car or any of my other expenses.

My best friend talked me out of suicide because suicide is a “solution” to a temporary problem. I decided then and there that I had to quit gambling or this feeling I had in my heart would only get worse. That is the pivotal moment that my life changed.

I ended up going to San Diego a couple days after that, which was a blessing considering gambling was the last priority while I was there and spent time with my friend and we had a great time. Before I left, I took the remaining funds out of my mutual fund to afford the trip, pay off some debts, and live off of.

After my trip to San Diego, that was when I decided that the change of not gambling needed to be a permanent fix, not a temporary one. So I gave the rest of my mutual fund money to my parents to hold on to so I wouldn’t be tempted to gamble that money away. I also decided to apply to university. It wasn’t until April of 2021 that I had already been denied to one school and accepted into another.

In March, I got into some legal trouble and wrecked my car due to it. I was in the wrong 100%. I could tell I was doing some reckless behaviors because I was in a manic state with my bipolar disorder and I wasn’t properly coping with that and being a relatively new gambler in recovery. Today, I know that life is very precious and finite and I could have easily lost my life due to stupidity. I am here to share my story for a reason. I hope to help others in their mental health journeys.

Not to say that any of this is easy; because it’s not. However, it is definitely worthwhile. I think about gambling and playing cards and slot machines every single day. However, I don’t think about it with the same sense of urgency to go and act on those urges like I used to. I think of gambling more in passing that I miss playing cards or I miss the sounds of winning a jackpot on a slot machine. I did drive past the casino twice yesterday in order to get to the ferry terminal. I wanted to stop by, but knowing that I was having my one year anniversary today acted as a deterrent.

I celebrated my one year sobriety from gambling a day early by going to the Seattle Mariner’s baseball game. For any of you who watch Major League Baseball, the Mariners are the worst team in the league considering the fact that in their 40+ year history, they have never once been to the World Series. However, last night, the Mariners won against the Boston Red Sox. I celebrated this win by traveling home on the ferry, watching the game from my phone. If you live near a ferry, you then understand that there are only x amount of sailings per day and evening and if you aren’t on the last boat home, you’re either stuck on one side or forced to drive around. So although it would have been great to see the last two and a half innings in person, being on the 10:05pm ferry home was even greater.

Well, that’s it for me for this post! It is a great feeling and accomplishment to have been sober for a year. I am looking forward to what the next year will bring 🙂

Much love,

Dani

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